Me and Mac

Foster's Home for Imaginary friends.

it's a cartoon about a small kid called Mac who lives in a world where imaginary friends actually exist.. you can create them, communicate with them, and even adopt them if you are too lazy to create them.

Mac created bloo. But Mac's brother hated him cos he was so hard to handle (or something like that), so the family decided to put him in Foster's Home.

Owned by Madam Foster, Foster's Home is basically where all the imaginary friends are put for adoption.

Madam Foster (who couldn't give up her own imaginary friend) decides that Bloo wouldn't be put up for adoption, as long as Mac comes and visits him everyday at 3.

What's so interesting about such a cartoon?

The idea that I came to realize is friends remain.

They might tease you, annoy you, mess up your homework, or waste your time.

But they always seem to know how to fix things... they always help you.

Well... not all friends.... only imaginary friends.

Friends in reality are not ready to be anything but themselves. You have to accept them the way they are. And if they stab you in the back, it's because of their nature, and you were to blind and stupid to see it.

I know it because I've been blind and stupid many times... actually.. most of the time.

*experience is a bundle of mistake you made in your life*

It's a shame that I'm too old to be thinking about adopting an imaginary friend... it would be nice... and helpful..

the main character of my imaginary friend is his/her silence, and his/her ignorance.

I would like to talk without being judged. I would like to continue talking without getting interrupted. I would like to scream at the top of my lungs without the risk of deafening anyone. I would like throw my thoughts without having to be coherent. and finally, I would like to know that someone was actually listening.

I don't care about that last hug people get when they start crying, it doesn't make things any easier... talking and crying ugly things out is just about enough.

Usually the main reason for collision between friends is when someone snaps at the other unintentionally, and the latter is just too proud to understand why that someone snapped.

they never reconcile for some reason.

friends are overrated, imaginary friends are not

broken chain

seclusion

ideas flowing in

brain rush

grab a pen and paper

great thoughts...

start writing

never thought better

start typing

brain rush gets faster

strong heartbeats


words floating

links broken

thoughts are gone


couch potato again...

ideas flow back in

ignore... they will deceive you as they always do...


your post is gone

Big bottles and smaller ones

I was at the grocery store today, and i passed by the shampoos and shower gel section... so many things to choose from!!

I spotted an apricot scrub shower gel

I almost grabbed it.. then I was like... wait a second.. I already have 2 at home that i haven't used yet..
then came the challenging question...
should i or shouldn't??
i mean.. its an apricot body scrub! and its smell is so soothing!
very challenging....


so.. did i get it?
no but i scorned on all of those manufacturers who make those products in huge bottles that would take ages to run out, even if u use plenty of it in your everyday shower
(just a hint in case someone thought I'm cheap or stinky)

*sigh*

I really like the size they use in hotels..
i mean.. when it's finished.. it's finished! u get a new one.. a better one!

anyway..
The Lilac gel that I'm using now isn't so bad after all

:/

To do lists and procrastination

it's December again
The year is coming to an end..

This is the time of the year when you start to review your last year's resolutions and think about how you never managed to accomplish your aspirations... or at least half of them

so I had in mind to read a number of books this year... I read about half of them.. but not all..
It all comes down to 2 reasons:
Bad choices, and mood issues
I am satisfied with the books I have read, but I had to wonder why I (or anyone for that matter) don't accomplish many of the planned goals to the end.

Procrastination is a very big problem in this part of the world... I barely know anyone who doesn't procrastinate...
I believe it became part of our Arabic human nature

Why do we procrastinate?
Ok I shall speak for myself.
Because I like things to go smooth and perfect, I make up plans... and to do lists...
even when i redecorated my room, I made a to-do list for every step, that my sister almost lost it!
Why the to-do's? well sometimes when you have a gazillion thing to do, you have to write them down to keep track of what u r doing because you tend to lose your concentration.
after writing the to-do list, I find myself unable to do half of the things I planned to do
why?
reasons vary depending on the situation
It could be parents that would ruin your plans just cos they feel like it, or because they are afraid to lose you, it could be a stupid tumble dryer that doesn't want to work anymore, it could be an unfaithful friend who decides to stab you in the back when least expected and when you least need it, it could be an irresponsible younger brother that you have to take care of, or it could be that you are just out of it.

whatever it is, usually the main reason is: being overwhelmed.
when everything is perfectly planned, malfunction occurs during execution.
looking at your list and counting your steps and wondering... ooooh I still have to do this and this and that and what if I don't get it done... blaaa... that's when we start to push back our work and fail.

For me, when I do fight the laziness, and when I decide to become stronger than the overwhelming feeling, I succeed.
It gives a great feeling of accomplishment to stick to plans and finish them on time...

I have a small resolution for remaining of this year, and it is to finish the work project I started this summer, because it is about time. And I shall finish it before 2007 starts.

For the next year... I'm gonna let it go with the flow
I just hope that I will manage to get out of the mess I'm living in right now... that's all

فخورة لأنو

الفكرة ملطوشة من الغرفة الاجتماعية... تحية لصديقي صاحب الموضوع
(اهلين فيك... بعرفك شو راح تقول فعم رد عليك دغري)
*sleep*

شغلات بتخليني اشعر بالفخر... بشكل عام الها علاقة بوطني

فخورة لأني من بلد اسمها سوريا ومن اقدم مدينة بالتاريخ... دمشق

فخورة لأن بسوريا بتنتقل الاخبار بسرعة البرق واكتر ناس بيستعملو بهارات بالحكي هنن السوريين
هادا غير فاعلين الخير طبعا

فخورة انو سوريا بتحن عالمساكين مع انو بدها مين يحن عليها

فخورة انو سوق الحميدية مقصد سياحي مهم في دمشق

فخورة لانو صار عنا محلات مانجو و بيير كردان و جيورجيو ارماني بالشام و 90 بالمية من السكان بيقدرو بكل بساطة انو يفوتو عليهون و يشمو....و يطلعو (ملطوشة) ـ

فخورة لأن الكبير والصغير والمأمط بالسرير بيعرفو شو الدوا الشافي لكل الظواهر والانسدادات المستعصية ببلدنا... الا وهو العملة

فخورة لأن المواطن بيعرف يتفاهم مع الموظف والموظف بيعرف يتفهم مع المدير والشوفير مع الشرطي والطالب مع الانسة والطالبة مع
دكتور الجامعة
فخورة لأن شعبنا بيحب الفرفشة والنعنشة مع انو معتر كتير وقلبو مليان هموم

فخورة لأن عنا ذهب ابيض وسنابل ذهبية و فيجة

فخورة إنو المسلسلات السورية أحلى مسلسلات بالوطن العربي في الوقت الحالي (ملطوشة) ـ

فخورة لأن جمال سليمان سوري

فخورة انو ماحدا بيساوي ستي زبئي وكباب هندي وحراء اصبعو وفلافل بنشارة خشب غيرنا

فخورة لأن وأخيرا غيرو بألوان العملة المعدنية مشات يللي نظرو على قدو يعرف العشرة من الخمسة باللون

فخورة انو حيصير عنا بورصة سوق اسهم مالية

فخورة لأن شعبنا اكتر شعب مفتأ بالعالم

فخورة لانو كل شعبنا فهمان بالدين و السياسة و الاقتصاد و العمارة و الهندسة و الطب و الشعر و الفضاء و الموسيقى و النحت...على ذمتو طبعا (ملطوشة) ـ

فخورة لأن السوريين مسبعين الكارات

فخورة لأن كل الناس بتحسب الف حساب قبل ما تفكر تنصب على واحد سوري

فخورة انو طبيعة بلادنا حلوة و لساتها عذراء من قلة الاهتمام و الفشل بالقطاع السياحي (ملطوشة) ـ

فخورة لأن لسا ماوصل الزحف العمراني الى صحراء تدمر

فخورة انو شعبنا ما بيكره شعب تاني بالولادة (ملطوشة) ـ

فخورة انو السوريين اكتر ناس بيآمنو بالفزلكات متل الاحكام المسبقة ونظريات المؤامرة

فخورة انو الطيران العربي السوري عندو طيارين على مستوى عالي واسوأ اسطول طيارات

فخورة لأن كل السوريين سواسية و صورهون بهوياتهون كأنهون مطلوبين حيا او ميتا

فخورة لأن هويتي القديمة مو مبخوشة (ملطوشة) مع اني ما بعرف شو يعني انو مبخوشة بس هويتي ما كانت مبخوشة و معناتا هي شغلة منيحة(مااااع) ـ

فخورة لأن ماعندي بطاقة انتخابية

فخورةلانو البنت السورية اكتر بنت بتعتني بحالها من بين كل الجنسيات يلي عرفتهون (ملطوشة لأن كتير عجبتني) ـ
*smug*

فخورة انو سوريا فيها اطيب كنتاكي بالعالم....اسمو فروج بروستد (ملطوشة) ـ

فخورة انو بسوريا في جامعين امويين مو بس واحد

انا فخورة لأن السوريين بايعين الدنيا بقشرة بصلة ومافي حدا بيعلق على صرمايتون

فخورة لأن السوريين بيلاقو الشي الحلو من كل شي... يعني حتى لما الواحد بيسمن بيقولو صار عندو كرش للوجاهة

فخورة لأن صار اسم سوريا متطرق عالتلفزيون متل اسم غانا يعني كتير من المتفرجين بيعرفو بوجود هيك دولة (ملطوشة) ـ

فخورة انو عنا احلى امفيثيتر اثري بالعالم

فخورة انو عند السوريين طلوع النهار يمحو كلام الليل

فخورة انو ساحة الامويين صارلها 3 سنين مدري اكتر ماعاد اتذكر عم تتساوى بالنفق تبعها ولهلأ ما كانت تخلص مدري خلصت وما درينا

فخورة لانو السوريين بعلكو كتير....قسم بيعرف شو عم يعلك...و قسم بيعلك المهم انو علك (ملطوشة) ـ

فخورة ان البنت السورية لما بتطلع من البيت بتحسب حساب فاعلين الخير اكتر ما تحسب حساب اذا ممكن حدا يأذيها

فخورة انو بضل سهرانة بالزايد نص ساعة على موضوع بس مشان قول قديش انا فخورة


ومتل ما قال الشعب
ريتو فخور يكسر بعضو

Superman

This mask of strength that I'm wearing is getting so heavy, I can't bear to hold it anymore…

To people who have so much potential and can accomplish the greatest things, but are restricted to limited choices and uncontrolled circumstances

I dedicate this song…

There is a superman in each one of us



Superman - Five for Fighting

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird...I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away...away from me
It’s all right...you can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy...or anything...

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
I’m only a man
Looking for a dream

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
And it’s not easy, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm...


It's not easy to be me

it's a balance

I finally got myself to believe there is some good in my attitude of not having a "passion" for a specific thing in life.

Ok, first, what is a passion in my terms?
A passion is something you dearly love. Something that you were born to do, you have been doing all your life, and will continue to do, even on your death bed.
It could be a hobby, like music, reading, writing, photography, drawing, computing, puzzling… what have you. Or, it could be something that makes you feel good about yourself…such as helping people.

Ever since I started to realize that I like to do so many things at the same time, but not to reach a point of perfectionism in anything in specific, I started to possess over the fact that I don’t have something to live for.

The other day, I watched a video on youtube about a man expressing his reason for waking up every morning. His reason is his 3 year-old boy. He was encouraging people to find that something that they love most, so they would take good care of it and because it will help them appreciate life even more. Most of the people who replied to this video also stated that their kids are the reason why they live.
It made me notice something.
What was their reason of living and breathing before they had children? I mean… Those people were not born parents… they must have had something to cherish before they popped some juniors to this world.
Then again, maybe they found a reason to live after they had this responsibility.

The truth to be said, watching this video gave me a sort of a relief…
Someday, I will be a mother for a child, and he/she will be my reason to wake up in the morning. My passion.
But as a person who always expects the worst (since this is what life had taught me), I had to measure the other side of the story…
The other side meaning, what if I never had kids, for one reason or another?
Should I stay passionless till the end of time?
I halted again.

Yesterday, I was chatting with a friend.
He told me something that gave me the answer that I was looking for, and he didn’t know it.
He said that one of the good things about me is that I am balanced inside, there is no side of my personality that prevails on the other… I am just symmetrical!
*ok I sound like a smug here, but this was what he told me*

I thought about what he said… and it just occurred to me that this is it!! This is the reason why I don’t have a passion.

I am a perfectionist (I've always known it and confessed it). Perfectionists seek balance in everything.
If I had a passion for anything, I will be obsessed about it. This obsession will block my chances of engaging in any sane arguments regarding it, since I'm going to be very biased.

It could be a justification for a state of denial that I'm living…
But what for? Is there anything better than being a balanced person and have peace with your self? I don’t think so.

Insomnia

Insomnia is one of the worst condition any human being can go through...
You are basically all consumed throughout the day.. all tired and worn out. you take a warm shower, swallow an Advil or two, you even drank that milk that you hate so much, then you jump into your warm cozy bed... the surrender to sleep
However... sleep doesn't want you!
You are waiting for it
But it's just not happening!

You try to open your eyes, and they open up like its broad daylight!
You try to get up to do something since you are already awake... but, you have 0 concentration
So what do you do? you just stay in bed... and wait... as simple as that..
It could be an hour, it could be two, it could be all night long...

What's even worse than not being able to sleep is sleeping and not knowing it...
It's like having this little tiny processor in the back of your brain that keeps on running even when you are asleep, and its functionality is preventing you from recognizing that you are already asleep!
When does it hit you?
When the alarm goes off at 7 so you have to go to work. You then realize that you need these extra five minute of sleep.. just those five minutes and they will do... and before you know it, you are deep asleep! why? cos you have to get up!!
Luckily, you will have your mother or sister around to check on you and make sure that you're up.
What's even funnier than that, is during this stolen snooze, you think that you are wide awake, you've already brushed your teeth, had your coffee, and even got into your car! that's when your mom's voice comes in to tell you that you are still in bed, and you were only dreaming!

I had another insomniac night last night... they are all accompanied with a bad/annoying dream..
When I got up at 7 I had second thoughts about going to work... Then I brushed them away.. cos the snooze wont do... and once I'm up, I will be wide awake.
And I was!

In a cranky mood...
It got better though..
I grabbed a suit of mine that I haven't wore in 2 years cos the pants were abit too tight...
Today when I tried them on... they fitted perfectly!! even a bit loose!!
Gave me a great feeling of achievement! *Girly moment here*
*sigh!*

Heard the news this morning
Israel pulled off its troops from Ghaza Strip..
It's a victory...
Just hoping they didn't leave anything behind...
The shredded grieving families are enough

It's going to be a good week!

Why the final act?

if you read my previous entry titled "Final Act" you will notice that it's another end for a love story between two people that have been hiding their feelings due to many reasons, including the fact that they don't want to mess up their friendship

A friend asked me.. what's the point of your post?
well..
I'm the kind of person who jumps to the end.. cos the end is the most important part.. and if i don't know the end, i wont be able to read the novel
Am i missing the whole point of reading? maybe... but this is how i can interact with the story more... i get to feel its reality...

one more thing..
why the last act?
why not the begging? or the middle?

we all like happy endings...
especially when it comes to cheesy love stories or chick flicks
but when it comes to reality.. happy endings are very rare

I've known quiet a number of couples in my conservative society..
but how many of them ended the way the couples themselves wanted.. or the way we wanted them to become.. or the way common sense should go?
common sense?
we all seek happiness
what we see in the movies of ppl stepping on their pride to reach out for their loved ones.. that's just not right... it's very fake
cos even when you are in love, ur not gonna reach back to the person who had hurt u cos u love him...
when hurt by a loved one, its just too painful... the thin line between love and hate becomes thinner and soon the pain becomes agony.. and develops to hate... all due to pride
this is not what they show us in the movies

the last act exists in utopia
its good to feel it
but this is not how real life is
even when we try

Final Act

(sound of knocking on the door)
He walked down the corridor to open the door.. he looked through the peephole to find that it's her, his best friend.

He gets a flashback of their last meeting, how he begged her to leave the man she was seeing because he knew the guys wasn't good enough for her, but couldn't explain why. He remembered how cruel she was to him and how she called him "selfish".
"He wants all the happiness for himself" that’s what she thought that day.

"Should I open the door?" he thought to himself.. He was aware that she is blinded by the affection she has for that new person her life. He knew that only he could see what was really going on, and he forgave her for what she said.It was late that night, she would never take the subway at this hour to go to anyone's house.. no matter what. This must be important.

In a glance, he opened the door.
"Hi!" she said in a low voice, as she stood there.. thinking.. "Am I doing the right thing?""Hey!" he gazed at her as she was stumbling in her thoughts.
"Can I come in?" she asked"Sure.." as he made way for her to pass in.

She sat on the sofa placed in the middle of the room. A coffee table was right in front of her.
"Coffee?" he asked
"Sure, please"
He placed the mug on the coffee table in front of her.
It was just the way she liked it. Black. No sugar, no cream.
"Thank you"

She stared at the mug.. as he stared at her, wondering what brought her at this hour… after all what happened the last time they met.
It was hard for him to hear the things she said. But what drove him to ask her to take such a radical step… to leave the man she was falling for, for no apparent reason. What if he was imagining things? What if he really was a good guy? Why does it hurt him so much now to see her with someone else? He had seen her with other men before, it didn’t affect him all that much…
He still can't justify his act

"I do love her and I do want her to be happy… I do love her… I do???
My childhood friend??" Always like a sister! Not really…
She knew his lifestyle. She knew he wasn’t the commitment type.She always loved him. But like a strong woman, she decided to move on.
That's why she chose the first man who passed by her life. Decided to completely fall for him. To remain faithful, and to forget.


Her long frizzy black hair was flowing on her back. A bit of it was covering her hazy eyes.She was dressed for an important event. A velvet brown skirt, a beige top, suede long boots, and a brown coat of the same length as the skirt.

"Look…" she said stuttering "I wanna apologize for all the nasty stuff I said to you the other day. I should have trusted you. I know you want the best for me… I was just lost and stunned that day, I just couldn't believe that you managed to say what you said"

He didn't say a word
"I know I had too emotional to think straight and that you were seeing things from a different angle. I only realized that now… You were right… he was a jerk and he was using me… exactly like you said…
I hope it's not too late… I know I don't wanna lose you also"
He still didn’t say a word.
She looked at him hoping that he would say something.
But he didn’t
Even more broken hearted, she grabbed her bag that she threw on the sofa earlier, stood up and said "Well I said what I wanted to say. My conscious is clean. I'd better leave now…" and stormed towards the exit.

"Are you hungry?" He said a bit loudly, hoping that it would stop her from storming off.
She stopped, and walked back in "What?"
"I'm gonna order a pizza, I'm a bit hungry. Do you wanna share?"She hesitated first… but she knew him way too well to say no"Sure… why not?"

He picked up the phone. "Hi, I would like to have one large pepperoni and cheese pizza…"

It only takes a moment for us to realize what's going on.

Pepperoni and cheese?
Black coffee?
An advice when no one else dared to confront her?

"It's gonna take 45 minutes"
She walked towards him in firm steps, with her eyes focused on his "Pepperoni and cheese? That's not your order"
"I feel like pepperoni and cheese tonight"
She approached more… so close.. and said in a very calm, firm voice "look me in the eye and tell me that you feel like pepperoni and cheese pizza… nothing more nothing less"
He stuttered… then he looked her in the eyes and said "I love you"
She backed off immediately… isn't that what she wanted to hear all along? Why does it feel so strange??As he was noticing her hesitation, and starting to feel so dumb for admitting his feelings, she threw her arms around him and passionately kissed him.

"What if it doesn’t work out?" he asked
"Oh don't worry! We already sound like an old married couple anyway"

"What about our friendship?""Too late to think about that now…"

They made their way to the bedroom *sex scene*(will refrain from writing due to excess cheesiness and lack of experience in the matter)

She lied back on his bed… she looked at him… she was happy
He sat up to light a cigarette
As she closed her eyes to see the future
He figured out the difference between making love and having a fling

technologic

It's funny how excited I was about opening this blog.. And it's very funny how completely discouraged I got just because of "technical problems" in the website!

I'm not sure what's wrong with it... it asked me to enable cookies.. And I did, my privacy level is 0 right now! Anyone could be inserting cookies into my system.. I know that I can delete them.. But it's a bit inconvenient.
And the other part is having to right click and choosing to "open link in a new window" so it displays, cos just clicking on it doesn't do the trick anymore as it seems.

I guess I'm just gonna check the FAQ's page and see what I can do about it...

Technology is bliss
That's what I always say
Sometime it just gets on your nerves though...
Especially when you feed it the right things and it just gives you junk.. And when you expect it will give you the best result, and instead it gives you a big olo !!!

I was struggling the other day to write a blog entry... While I'm streaming my thoughts, I was called to have lunch. I left my computer on.. left the blog entry as it is.. didn't save a draft.. cos what are the odds? I never needed to save an online post before, and that day was just like any other day.
I finished my lunch, returned to my desk only to find that my computer had restarted on its own!How in the world would that happen?? Oh by the way, my computer is virus free, I believe..
Well.. it's as simple as this... Automatic Updates was running. It downloaded and installed the updates and needed to restart the computer! Doesn't it give a warning first? It sure does! It gives a warning with a time limit.. If you don't press "restart" within a minute, it shall restart on its own. Lucky me wasn't there to see that message, and a computer has gotta do what a computer has gotta do!!
Funny?When you know the reasons and the means to deal with anything.. it's just fine, as long as it’s manageable.
However, the time you spend wanting to know "what happened here??!!" is just a nerve killer!

I still say it though.. Technology is bliss!

introduction

Yea I rushed in to post my first blog, forgetting to introduce myself

so yea... twisted with spice is how I am

I am a 23 year old Syrian who was born and raised in Kuwait.

I have a problem in belonging cos I feel home in neither places.. But I am struggling to make them both home... It's enough that I love them both!

oh yea... I'm a girl

Enjoy!!

I am a dreamer

A friend of mine once told me: "I feel like you are such a dreamer"
It was last year before my graduation.
I always knew that I was a dreamer... But never gave it much thought.
Moreover, I never thought it would be so severe someone would notice it.
I always thought that I managed it well

I then had to pause and think... what if I never dreamt?
What if dreaming never existed...
What if all people were just real and concrete...
What if we all were so straight forward, and so pragmatic, that even a thought of something abit far from real would be insane.. a taboo

I stopped dreaming for a while...
Gave my surreal life a break
Tried to define reality in my own terms
Didn't harm me so much to be real
But harmed me a great deal not to dream
Turned out it was the greatest gift I ever had
Who would reject an exit from fears? from life? from death? from hate? from love?

I died the day I stopped dreaming

Dreaming is for the weak... if you don't know where to stop
Dreaming is for those who have nothing to hold on to but their dreams
Dreaming is no taboo... it lifts you up and gives you the pleasure of the moment.. sets you up to a better mood.. to start fresh

I held on to my dreams...
Dreaming is a therapy

My greatest discovery of all is that it's ok to dream, as long as you have the right fix of reality along with it...
They complement each other
You can't survive without them both...

So my advice to you..
Stay real dreamer