it's a balance

I finally got myself to believe there is some good in my attitude of not having a "passion" for a specific thing in life.

Ok, first, what is a passion in my terms?
A passion is something you dearly love. Something that you were born to do, you have been doing all your life, and will continue to do, even on your death bed.
It could be a hobby, like music, reading, writing, photography, drawing, computing, puzzling… what have you. Or, it could be something that makes you feel good about yourself…such as helping people.

Ever since I started to realize that I like to do so many things at the same time, but not to reach a point of perfectionism in anything in specific, I started to possess over the fact that I don’t have something to live for.

The other day, I watched a video on youtube about a man expressing his reason for waking up every morning. His reason is his 3 year-old boy. He was encouraging people to find that something that they love most, so they would take good care of it and because it will help them appreciate life even more. Most of the people who replied to this video also stated that their kids are the reason why they live.
It made me notice something.
What was their reason of living and breathing before they had children? I mean… Those people were not born parents… they must have had something to cherish before they popped some juniors to this world.
Then again, maybe they found a reason to live after they had this responsibility.

The truth to be said, watching this video gave me a sort of a relief…
Someday, I will be a mother for a child, and he/she will be my reason to wake up in the morning. My passion.
But as a person who always expects the worst (since this is what life had taught me), I had to measure the other side of the story…
The other side meaning, what if I never had kids, for one reason or another?
Should I stay passionless till the end of time?
I halted again.

Yesterday, I was chatting with a friend.
He told me something that gave me the answer that I was looking for, and he didn’t know it.
He said that one of the good things about me is that I am balanced inside, there is no side of my personality that prevails on the other… I am just symmetrical!
*ok I sound like a smug here, but this was what he told me*

I thought about what he said… and it just occurred to me that this is it!! This is the reason why I don’t have a passion.

I am a perfectionist (I've always known it and confessed it). Perfectionists seek balance in everything.
If I had a passion for anything, I will be obsessed about it. This obsession will block my chances of engaging in any sane arguments regarding it, since I'm going to be very biased.

It could be a justification for a state of denial that I'm living…
But what for? Is there anything better than being a balanced person and have peace with your self? I don’t think so.