Insomnia is one of the worst condition any human being can go through...
You are basically all consumed throughout the day.. all tired and worn out. you take a warm shower, swallow an Advil or two, you even drank that milk that you hate so much, then you jump into your warm cozy bed... the surrender to sleep
However... sleep doesn't want you!
You are waiting for it
But it's just not happening!
You try to open your eyes, and they open up like its broad daylight!
You try to get up to do something since you are already awake... but, you have 0 concentration
So what do you do? you just stay in bed... and wait... as simple as that..
It could be an hour, it could be two, it could be all night long...
What's even worse than not being able to sleep is sleeping and not knowing it...
It's like having this little tiny processor in the back of your brain that keeps on running even when you are asleep, and its functionality is preventing you from recognizing that you are already asleep!
When does it hit you?
When the alarm goes off at 7 so you have to go to work. You then realize that you need these extra five minute of sleep.. just those five minutes and they will do... and before you know it, you are deep asleep! why? cos you have to get up!!
Luckily, you will have your mother or sister around to check on you and make sure that you're up.
What's even funnier than that, is during this stolen snooze, you think that you are wide awake, you've already brushed your teeth, had your coffee, and even got into your car! that's when your mom's voice comes in to tell you that you are still in bed, and you were only dreaming!
I had another insomniac night last night... they are all accompanied with a bad/annoying dream..
When I got up at 7 I had second thoughts about going to work... Then I brushed them away.. cos the snooze wont do... and once I'm up, I will be wide awake.
And I was!
In a cranky mood...
It got better though..
I grabbed a suit of mine that I haven't wore in 2 years cos the pants were abit too tight...
Today when I tried them on... they fitted perfectly!! even a bit loose!!
Gave me a great feeling of achievement! *Girly moment here*
*sigh!*
Heard the news this morning
Israel pulled off its troops from Ghaza Strip..
It's a victory...
Just hoping they didn't leave anything behind...
The shredded grieving families are enough
It's going to be a good week!
26.11.06
24.11.06
Why the final act?
if you read my previous entry titled "Final Act" you will notice that it's another end for a love story between two people that have been hiding their feelings due to many reasons, including the fact that they don't want to mess up their friendship
A friend asked me.. what's the point of your post?
well..
I'm the kind of person who jumps to the end.. cos the end is the most important part.. and if i don't know the end, i wont be able to read the novel
Am i missing the whole point of reading? maybe... but this is how i can interact with the story more... i get to feel its reality...
one more thing..
why the last act?
why not the begging? or the middle?
we all like happy endings...
especially when it comes to cheesy love stories or chick flicks
but when it comes to reality.. happy endings are very rare
I've known quiet a number of couples in my conservative society..
but how many of them ended the way the couples themselves wanted.. or the way we wanted them to become.. or the way common sense should go?
common sense?
we all seek happiness
what we see in the movies of ppl stepping on their pride to reach out for their loved ones.. that's just not right... it's very fake
cos even when you are in love, ur not gonna reach back to the person who had hurt u cos u love him...
when hurt by a loved one, its just too painful... the thin line between love and hate becomes thinner and soon the pain becomes agony.. and develops to hate... all due to pride
this is not what they show us in the movies
the last act exists in utopia
its good to feel it
but this is not how real life is
even when we try
A friend asked me.. what's the point of your post?
well..
I'm the kind of person who jumps to the end.. cos the end is the most important part.. and if i don't know the end, i wont be able to read the novel
Am i missing the whole point of reading? maybe... but this is how i can interact with the story more... i get to feel its reality...
one more thing..
why the last act?
why not the begging? or the middle?
we all like happy endings...
especially when it comes to cheesy love stories or chick flicks
but when it comes to reality.. happy endings are very rare
I've known quiet a number of couples in my conservative society..
but how many of them ended the way the couples themselves wanted.. or the way we wanted them to become.. or the way common sense should go?
common sense?
we all seek happiness
what we see in the movies of ppl stepping on their pride to reach out for their loved ones.. that's just not right... it's very fake
cos even when you are in love, ur not gonna reach back to the person who had hurt u cos u love him...
when hurt by a loved one, its just too painful... the thin line between love and hate becomes thinner and soon the pain becomes agony.. and develops to hate... all due to pride
this is not what they show us in the movies
the last act exists in utopia
its good to feel it
but this is not how real life is
even when we try
Final Act
(sound of knocking on the door)
He walked down the corridor to open the door.. he looked through the peephole to find that it's her, his best friend.
He gets a flashback of their last meeting, how he begged her to leave the man she was seeing because he knew the guys wasn't good enough for her, but couldn't explain why. He remembered how cruel she was to him and how she called him "selfish".
"He wants all the happiness for himself" that’s what she thought that day.
"Should I open the door?" he thought to himself.. He was aware that she is blinded by the affection she has for that new person her life. He knew that only he could see what was really going on, and he forgave her for what she said.It was late that night, she would never take the subway at this hour to go to anyone's house.. no matter what. This must be important.
In a glance, he opened the door.
"Hi!" she said in a low voice, as she stood there.. thinking.. "Am I doing the right thing?""Hey!" he gazed at her as she was stumbling in her thoughts.
"Can I come in?" she asked"Sure.." as he made way for her to pass in.
She sat on the sofa placed in the middle of the room. A coffee table was right in front of her.
"Coffee?" he asked
"Sure, please"
He placed the mug on the coffee table in front of her.
It was just the way she liked it. Black. No sugar, no cream.
"Thank you"
She stared at the mug.. as he stared at her, wondering what brought her at this hour… after all what happened the last time they met.
It was hard for him to hear the things she said. But what drove him to ask her to take such a radical step… to leave the man she was falling for, for no apparent reason. What if he was imagining things? What if he really was a good guy? Why does it hurt him so much now to see her with someone else? He had seen her with other men before, it didn’t affect him all that much…
He still can't justify his act
"I do love her and I do want her to be happy… I do love her… I do???
My childhood friend??" Always like a sister! Not really…
She knew his lifestyle. She knew he wasn’t the commitment type.She always loved him. But like a strong woman, she decided to move on.
That's why she chose the first man who passed by her life. Decided to completely fall for him. To remain faithful, and to forget.
Her long frizzy black hair was flowing on her back. A bit of it was covering her hazy eyes.She was dressed for an important event. A velvet brown skirt, a beige top, suede long boots, and a brown coat of the same length as the skirt.
"Look…" she said stuttering "I wanna apologize for all the nasty stuff I said to you the other day. I should have trusted you. I know you want the best for me… I was just lost and stunned that day, I just couldn't believe that you managed to say what you said"
He didn't say a word
"I know I had too emotional to think straight and that you were seeing things from a different angle. I only realized that now… You were right… he was a jerk and he was using me… exactly like you said…
I hope it's not too late… I know I don't wanna lose you also"
He still didn’t say a word.
She looked at him hoping that he would say something.
But he didn’t
Even more broken hearted, she grabbed her bag that she threw on the sofa earlier, stood up and said "Well I said what I wanted to say. My conscious is clean. I'd better leave now…" and stormed towards the exit.
"Are you hungry?" He said a bit loudly, hoping that it would stop her from storming off.
She stopped, and walked back in "What?"
"I'm gonna order a pizza, I'm a bit hungry. Do you wanna share?"She hesitated first… but she knew him way too well to say no"Sure… why not?"
He picked up the phone. "Hi, I would like to have one large pepperoni and cheese pizza…"
It only takes a moment for us to realize what's going on.
Pepperoni and cheese?
Black coffee?
An advice when no one else dared to confront her?
"It's gonna take 45 minutes"
She walked towards him in firm steps, with her eyes focused on his "Pepperoni and cheese? That's not your order"
"I feel like pepperoni and cheese tonight"
She approached more… so close.. and said in a very calm, firm voice "look me in the eye and tell me that you feel like pepperoni and cheese pizza… nothing more nothing less"
He stuttered… then he looked her in the eyes and said "I love you"
She backed off immediately… isn't that what she wanted to hear all along? Why does it feel so strange??As he was noticing her hesitation, and starting to feel so dumb for admitting his feelings, she threw her arms around him and passionately kissed him.
"What if it doesn’t work out?" he asked
"Oh don't worry! We already sound like an old married couple anyway"
"What about our friendship?""Too late to think about that now…"
They made their way to the bedroom *sex scene*(will refrain from writing due to excess cheesiness and lack of experience in the matter)
She lied back on his bed… she looked at him… she was happy
He sat up to light a cigarette
As she closed her eyes to see the future
He figured out the difference between making love and having a fling
He walked down the corridor to open the door.. he looked through the peephole to find that it's her, his best friend.
He gets a flashback of their last meeting, how he begged her to leave the man she was seeing because he knew the guys wasn't good enough for her, but couldn't explain why. He remembered how cruel she was to him and how she called him "selfish".
"He wants all the happiness for himself" that’s what she thought that day.
"Should I open the door?" he thought to himself.. He was aware that she is blinded by the affection she has for that new person her life. He knew that only he could see what was really going on, and he forgave her for what she said.It was late that night, she would never take the subway at this hour to go to anyone's house.. no matter what. This must be important.
In a glance, he opened the door.
"Hi!" she said in a low voice, as she stood there.. thinking.. "Am I doing the right thing?""Hey!" he gazed at her as she was stumbling in her thoughts.
"Can I come in?" she asked"Sure.." as he made way for her to pass in.
She sat on the sofa placed in the middle of the room. A coffee table was right in front of her.
"Coffee?" he asked
"Sure, please"
He placed the mug on the coffee table in front of her.
It was just the way she liked it. Black. No sugar, no cream.
"Thank you"
She stared at the mug.. as he stared at her, wondering what brought her at this hour… after all what happened the last time they met.
It was hard for him to hear the things she said. But what drove him to ask her to take such a radical step… to leave the man she was falling for, for no apparent reason. What if he was imagining things? What if he really was a good guy? Why does it hurt him so much now to see her with someone else? He had seen her with other men before, it didn’t affect him all that much…
He still can't justify his act
"I do love her and I do want her to be happy… I do love her… I do???
My childhood friend??" Always like a sister! Not really…
She knew his lifestyle. She knew he wasn’t the commitment type.She always loved him. But like a strong woman, she decided to move on.
That's why she chose the first man who passed by her life. Decided to completely fall for him. To remain faithful, and to forget.
Her long frizzy black hair was flowing on her back. A bit of it was covering her hazy eyes.She was dressed for an important event. A velvet brown skirt, a beige top, suede long boots, and a brown coat of the same length as the skirt.
"Look…" she said stuttering "I wanna apologize for all the nasty stuff I said to you the other day. I should have trusted you. I know you want the best for me… I was just lost and stunned that day, I just couldn't believe that you managed to say what you said"
He didn't say a word
"I know I had too emotional to think straight and that you were seeing things from a different angle. I only realized that now… You were right… he was a jerk and he was using me… exactly like you said…
I hope it's not too late… I know I don't wanna lose you also"
He still didn’t say a word.
She looked at him hoping that he would say something.
But he didn’t
Even more broken hearted, she grabbed her bag that she threw on the sofa earlier, stood up and said "Well I said what I wanted to say. My conscious is clean. I'd better leave now…" and stormed towards the exit.
"Are you hungry?" He said a bit loudly, hoping that it would stop her from storming off.
She stopped, and walked back in "What?"
"I'm gonna order a pizza, I'm a bit hungry. Do you wanna share?"She hesitated first… but she knew him way too well to say no"Sure… why not?"
He picked up the phone. "Hi, I would like to have one large pepperoni and cheese pizza…"
It only takes a moment for us to realize what's going on.
Pepperoni and cheese?
Black coffee?
An advice when no one else dared to confront her?
"It's gonna take 45 minutes"
She walked towards him in firm steps, with her eyes focused on his "Pepperoni and cheese? That's not your order"
"I feel like pepperoni and cheese tonight"
She approached more… so close.. and said in a very calm, firm voice "look me in the eye and tell me that you feel like pepperoni and cheese pizza… nothing more nothing less"
He stuttered… then he looked her in the eyes and said "I love you"
She backed off immediately… isn't that what she wanted to hear all along? Why does it feel so strange??As he was noticing her hesitation, and starting to feel so dumb for admitting his feelings, she threw her arms around him and passionately kissed him.
"What if it doesn’t work out?" he asked
"Oh don't worry! We already sound like an old married couple anyway"
"What about our friendship?""Too late to think about that now…"
They made their way to the bedroom *sex scene*(will refrain from writing due to excess cheesiness and lack of experience in the matter)
She lied back on his bed… she looked at him… she was happy
He sat up to light a cigarette
As she closed her eyes to see the future
He figured out the difference between making love and having a fling
22.11.06
technologic
It's funny how excited I was about opening this blog.. And it's very funny how completely discouraged I got just because of "technical problems" in the website!
I'm not sure what's wrong with it... it asked me to enable cookies.. And I did, my privacy level is 0 right now! Anyone could be inserting cookies into my system.. I know that I can delete them.. But it's a bit inconvenient.
And the other part is having to right click and choosing to "open link in a new window" so it displays, cos just clicking on it doesn't do the trick anymore as it seems.
I guess I'm just gonna check the FAQ's page and see what I can do about it...
Technology is bliss
That's what I always say
Sometime it just gets on your nerves though...
Especially when you feed it the right things and it just gives you junk.. And when you expect it will give you the best result, and instead it gives you a big olo !!!
I was struggling the other day to write a blog entry... While I'm streaming my thoughts, I was called to have lunch. I left my computer on.. left the blog entry as it is.. didn't save a draft.. cos what are the odds? I never needed to save an online post before, and that day was just like any other day.
I finished my lunch, returned to my desk only to find that my computer had restarted on its own!How in the world would that happen?? Oh by the way, my computer is virus free, I believe..
Well.. it's as simple as this... Automatic Updates was running. It downloaded and installed the updates and needed to restart the computer! Doesn't it give a warning first? It sure does! It gives a warning with a time limit.. If you don't press "restart" within a minute, it shall restart on its own. Lucky me wasn't there to see that message, and a computer has gotta do what a computer has gotta do!!
Funny?When you know the reasons and the means to deal with anything.. it's just fine, as long as it’s manageable.
However, the time you spend wanting to know "what happened here??!!" is just a nerve killer!
I still say it though.. Technology is bliss!
11.11.06
introduction
Yea I rushed in to post my first blog, forgetting to introduce myself
so yea... twisted with spice is how I am
I am a 23 year old Syrian who was born and raised in Kuwait.
I have a problem in belonging cos I feel home in neither places.. But I am struggling to make them both home... It's enough that I love them both!
oh yea... I'm a girl
Enjoy!!
so yea... twisted with spice is how I am
I am a 23 year old Syrian who was born and raised in Kuwait.
I have a problem in belonging cos I feel home in neither places.. But I am struggling to make them both home... It's enough that I love them both!
oh yea... I'm a girl
Enjoy!!
I am a dreamer
A friend of mine once told me: "I feel like you are such a dreamer"
It was last year before my graduation.
I always knew that I was a dreamer... But never gave it much thought.
Moreover, I never thought it would be so severe someone would notice it.
I always thought that I managed it well
I then had to pause and think... what if I never dreamt?
What if dreaming never existed...
What if all people were just real and concrete...
What if we all were so straight forward, and so pragmatic, that even a thought of something abit far from real would be insane.. a taboo
I stopped dreaming for a while...
Gave my surreal life a break
Tried to define reality in my own terms
Didn't harm me so much to be real
But harmed me a great deal not to dream
Turned out it was the greatest gift I ever had
Who would reject an exit from fears? from life? from death? from hate? from love?
I died the day I stopped dreaming
Dreaming is for the weak... if you don't know where to stop
Dreaming is for those who have nothing to hold on to but their dreams
Dreaming is no taboo... it lifts you up and gives you the pleasure of the moment.. sets you up to a better mood.. to start fresh
I held on to my dreams...
Dreaming is a therapy
My greatest discovery of all is that it's ok to dream, as long as you have the right fix of reality along with it...
They complement each other
You can't survive without them both...
So my advice to you..
Stay real dreamer
It was last year before my graduation.
I always knew that I was a dreamer... But never gave it much thought.
Moreover, I never thought it would be so severe someone would notice it.
I always thought that I managed it well
I then had to pause and think... what if I never dreamt?
What if dreaming never existed...
What if all people were just real and concrete...
What if we all were so straight forward, and so pragmatic, that even a thought of something abit far from real would be insane.. a taboo
I stopped dreaming for a while...
Gave my surreal life a break
Tried to define reality in my own terms
Didn't harm me so much to be real
But harmed me a great deal not to dream
Turned out it was the greatest gift I ever had
Who would reject an exit from fears? from life? from death? from hate? from love?
I died the day I stopped dreaming
Dreaming is for the weak... if you don't know where to stop
Dreaming is for those who have nothing to hold on to but their dreams
Dreaming is no taboo... it lifts you up and gives you the pleasure of the moment.. sets you up to a better mood.. to start fresh
I held on to my dreams...
Dreaming is a therapy
My greatest discovery of all is that it's ok to dream, as long as you have the right fix of reality along with it...
They complement each other
You can't survive without them both...
So my advice to you..
Stay real dreamer
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