twisted with spice!

A message to a man

2009-04-09T17:52:00.006+03:00

It is not degrading for me, as an educated working woman, to clean my house. It is degrading, however, that you emphasise on how it is the most beneficial thing I can do in life, especially when you do it while you are laying back, on your bed, watching semi porn, while I'm cleaning your shit.

نحنا واوبراه - Oprah and us

2009-01-14T01:14:00.007+03:00

صارلي زمان ما بلوغيت

يمكن خلص الحكي

مع انو غريبة.. لأنو انا عربية وكتر الحكي واللعي بطعمة وبلا طعمة من سمات العرب

وخصوووصي بظروف متل هلأ

يللا متل بعضا

المهم

قال على محطات الام بي سي عم يطلع اعلان ليحث العالم لتبعت مسجات اس ام اس لحتى تربح رحلة على امريكا لتحضر حلقة من برنامج اوبراه وينفري

انو متل العادة.. نصب وضحك على اللحى مشان يستغللو العرب الملانين لحتى تربح شركات الموبايلاتبس انو العرب شو بدهون من اوبراه وينفري لحتى تكون لحدا منهم امنية يحضرولها حلقة من برنامجها؟

هلأ معروف انها شخصية اعلامية متحدثة وذات حضور وانو الها تأثير على الشعب الأمريكي.. وبتطرح مواضيع مفصلة على قياسهون الفضفاض

في مرة حضرت حلقة عن التعميم يللي بيصير بأمريكا.. واستضافت سيدة من عائلة امريكية مسلمة (امريكية اصلية وليست امريكية مهاجرة).. وحكتلها كيف عم يعانو نفسيا من التعميم خصوصي بعد أحداث 11 سبتمبر.. بتوقع انو هيك لقاء لاقى صدى ظريف بأمريكا وكان منيح للعرب والمسلمين هنيك.. بس بالنسبة النا بالوطن العربي.. شو قدملنا؟؟

من وقت ما فاتت اوبراه على بيوتنا العربية الشرق اوسطية.. شو قدمتلنا كأفراد او كمجتمع؟حدا غيرتلو اوبراه بحياتو شي؟

يا ترى هدول الأربعة بس راح يقعدو هيك بالصف الأول ويتأملو طلتها البهية وللا راح تفوتهون على "الغرفة الخضراء" تبعها ويتسامرو سوا ويتبادلو اطراف الحديث؟

سؤالين:ـ

الأول: لو انته التقيت بأوبراه (وخصوصا في ظل الظروف الراهنة) لتطلب منها شي بيخصنا كعرب، شو راح تطلب منها

الثاني: ليش لحتى ما يكون عنا اوبراه عربية؟

-------------------------------

So the ads have been running on the mbcs.. in and out..
"four Arabs will get to go to the USA to be amongst the audience of an Oprah Winfrey show! SMS now to these numbers!!"

So why would Arabs want to go to the Oprah show? is it because she is a good host? a good speaker? an influential person? an important figure?

I understand all of the above reasons. but I can't see how those reasons relate to us to the point of making an Arab want to meet her. It's true that she is influential and that she brings up important topics, but most of these topics work out in the US and only in the US.

I saw a show once where she was fighting stereotyping, and she talked about a Muslim American family and how much they were emotionally abused after September 11th because of stereotyping. It must have had an impact on many people in the US, but how does this serve us as Arabs in the Middle East?

Given the current circumstances in the Middle East, If you got the chance to meet Oprah Winfrey and ask her to use her magic to do something for us, what would it be?

Another question; how come we don't get to have an Arab Oprah?

ازعاج

2007-12-01T01:43:00.000+03:00

ما بعرف شو بيخطر ببال الأهل يللي بيعملو لأولادهون الصغار عيد ميلاد بمطعم
مو انو مطعم فيو العاب برا.. او بيجي فيه الساحر وبيعمللون استعراض.. او فيو بنت بتلون الوجوه للاولاد الصغار
لأ.. مطعم الجو تبعو لناس كبار
بيضوجوا الاولاد المعازيم.. لأن مافي شي يساووه غير انو يركضو بين الزلم وبين الطاولات.. وبيصيروا بيعيطو وبيزعجوا العالم
بعدين لما يجي الفرج متمثلا بقالب الكاتو.. بيخلو الولد صاحب عيد الميلاد يللي عمرو بس سنتين يوقف عالكرسي.. والكراسين عم تغنيلو هاااابي بيييييرثدااي.. وهو مو فهمان ولا كلمة.. وخايف ومرعوب.. والاولاد التانية لساتا عم تعيط.. والناس اللي بالمطعم عم تطلع فيهون.. انو وبعدين؟؟؟
والولد ابو عيد ميلاد مو فهمان شي

يا ترى بس ليكبر الولد ويشوف شريط الفيديو تبع عيد ميلادو الثاني شو راح يقول؟

out of 400 cigarettes

2007-11-27T20:54:00.000+03:00

I watched this video yesterday
It's an experiment of extracting tar from cigarettes

I've been smoking since I was 16 (on and off).. I don't call myself a regular smoker, but when I get into it, I really get into it.
I never thought about quitting.. maybe cos I don't want to, despite the number of pictures and videos I've seen about bad lungs, cancers and smoking consequences.

I always say that a cigarette is the only thing in the world that burns for your pleasure.

Anyways, I really hope this video is a wake up call for anyone who watches...
I know it's unhealthy, the least thing I can do is spread the word.

مراهقة

2007-11-24T12:32:00.000+03:00

في شغلة سخيفة كتير بتصير معي لما اطلع الخميس المسا او يوم السبت (الويك اند) بس انا بنرجسيتي الخاصة بحسا حلوة

بحب لما بكون عم سوق لحالي بشارع داخلي رايح جاية، لما يمرق من ناحي مراهق سارق سيارة اهلو، وبيصير يدبللي بعيونو مفتكرني مراهقة وسارقة سيارة اهلي متل حكايتو

كل مرة بتصير معي بيجي ببالي اضحك وقول، لك انا قد امك روح العاب مع رفقاتك دادا
بس ببلع الضحكة.. وبسكت... انو شايفنني العالم اصغر بعشر سنين.. شوبدي احسن من هيك؟؟

مجتمع

2007-11-20T18:19:00.000+03:00

مجتمع من الناس عم يتناقشو بأمور سياسية اجتماعية اقتصادية وبيئية
بيصدف واحد من المجتمعين افكاروا خارجة عن المألوف.. ايجابي بطريقتها الخاصة
لسا ما بيلحق يفتح تمو.. بيطلعولو سنجق عرض.. وبيساوو شغلة بيئة وكيس زبالة.. لأنو مختلف

الأول: ولك انته ما بتهمك مصلحة البلد.. ولك انته غلط.. ولك انته بدك تضرنا
التاني: ايه عطيه.. خليه يعرف
الأول: ولك انته لو مو مصلحجي ما بتورجينا خلقتك ولا بتفتح تمك.. ولك انته علاك
التاني: ايه سمعو لهالكر
الأول: ولك انته لو مافي بنات بالقعدة ما بتقعد (وينظر بطرف عينه للبنت يللي قاعدة جنب اللي نازل فيه.. انو بالله ما عجبتك؟؟).. ما بتفهم بفرنكين وجاية تبيض على قفانا.. روح شوف حالك احسنلك من هاللعي
التاني: ايه الله يعطيك العافية خليك عم تبع** ـ
الأول للتاني: اهلين الله يسلمك يا رب... ايه وين كنت؟؟
ايه.. ولك انته ما بتهمك مصلحة البلد.. ولك انته غلط.. ولك انته ما بتفيدنا
التاني: لك صفقولو صفقولو.. هادا الحكي
الأول: شكرا شكرا
ايه وين صرت؟ ايه.. ولك انته لو مو مصلحجي ما بتورجينا خلقتك ولا بتفتح تمك.. ولك انته علاك
التاني: ولك وين الفرد وينو بشرفك وينو؟؟بدي قوصلك هلأ هلأ!! يقبرني الله اللي خلقك
الأول يللي صار راسو قد الطبل: ولك انته صرصور.. وبدي اسحقك
التاني: لك انا بطيرلك ياه معلم.. بأمر شواربك انا

وتفتتح الدبكة بنغمات شعبية.. ويستلم اللقلوق الراس.. وياريتو بيكون بهاللحظة عرفان حالو أديشو حشرة
بينما يقف اللقلوق الأكبر منو مختالا.. انو انا كسار راسو.. وياريتو بيكون بهاللحظة عرفان حالو اديش مدود وبهيم

Facebook banned in Syria!

2007-11-19T16:30:00.000+03:00

Facebook is the newest addition to the list of censored websites in Syria.
The list includes Blogger, Youtube, Hotmail (open by few ISPs), Elaph news network, Al-Quds News paper, and many others.

Facebook promotes socializing with people of all sorts and kinds. It promotes events, and most of all, it promotes having a voice.

For Syria to go ahead and block this site, it's expected. It's not a first to block a site that enables Syrian citizens to open up to the outside world, or give them a chance to express themselves. Hell! it gave Syrians a chance to promote Syria as a country, and Syrians as friendly people!!
But no, we never want our people to move forward do we?

So, the next time Jon Bolton or anyone else states that there is no democracy or freedom of speech in Syria, I hope no wise-ass government official opens his pie-hole and counter states that we have all it takes to have all the democracy in the world, cos then I will be ready to sh** all over him.

The funniest thing about this particular piece of news is when it says that the Ministry of Communication is not responsible for this ban or any other bans...
So who is???

Lexus RX 350

2007-11-15T17:28:00.000+03:00

Exactly one week ago I picked up my brand new Lexus RX 350! It has the navigator (which is amazing since my memory is becoming rustier and rustier), and a very important feature, the memory seat... so if my dad or my brother want to borrow my car, I can always readjust the seat, the steering wheel, and the mirrors, with a touch of a button! no more suffering with my dad's car!!
Ofcourse I'm the family's new chauffeur.. but I don't care! I'm so happy.. this car is like my new best friend now! It took me quiet a while to finally own a car.. and now mission accomplished!
The pictures will say it all They are not professional at all.. they are meant for explanatory reasons only.

I wanted to take more pictures of the exterior, but anyone can see that in the street...

The Navigator

The steering wheel adjustment

Memory Seat!

And ofcourse.... the keychain...

يا ظريف الطول وقف تاقوللك

2007-11-10T15:42:00.000+03:00

يا ظريف الطول وقف تا قوللك
رايح عالغربة بلادك احسنلك
خايف يا ابن العم تروح وتتملك
وتستحظي بالغير وتنساني انا

بصراحة.. بعمري ما كرهت غربتي قد ما انا بكرهها هلأ

يا ريتني كنت ولدانة و عايشة ودارسة بالشام، كنت تعلمت على حربقة بناتها، وكنت اتعلمت من قسوتها كيف دبر اموري

انته يللي حببتني بالشام وانا يللي ما كنت طيق اقعد الشهرين فيها

كنت شفتك من اول ما رجعت عالبلاد

وكنت قدرت قضي معك وقت اطول.. الوقت بدال اللي ضاع بين تليفونات خارجية ومسجات.. الوقت اللي ضاع بين الحكي الكتير يللي كنت احكيه.. يللي كنت تسمعو وما تقتنع فيه

كنا ماضطرينا نستنا الوقت ليحللنا مشكلتنا ونترك امورنا عالبركة.. ويا بتصيب يا بتخيب

يا ريت ويا ريت

وكلمة يا ريت بعمرها ما عمرت بيت

Incremented Resolutions

2007-11-01T15:51:00.000+03:00

I started blogging in November last year..
So far I have only 54 entries
I disconnected from June through September
What a shame!!
Well maybe it's because I don't have a certain purpose for this blog... and i treat it like a personal vent to display my complicated life on public...

Ok, I shall continue venting
At the end of January, I came up with something called "Incremented Resolutions". Something I thought would be very useful to fulfill my year's resolutions and not forget about them around the end of February and only remember them on December... something to keep me going and hoping.

It is working so well so far, I know no one is gonna read, but I'm writing them for me.. so here we go:

I have learnt accounting!!!!!! It's one of my greatest accomplishments so far considering how much I hated it in college. I know what its all about, I'm even considering enrolling in a CMA course! The problem is, only 1 institution in Kuwait offers it, and it's only a weekend course, and I don't like weekend courses cos weekends are not only rest time for me, but also for the instructors, and I don't think he/she are very happy to work on weekends...
The institute will keep me posted if they offer any weekdays courses.. we will see about that.
The Ameen project for work is going well so far. a bit slow, but it's all because my boss is too busy and we barely have time to sit and work on it together.. but hopefully it will be all done before April next year when we have to do the inventories and the start of the new financial year of the company.
I can somewhat speak French right now, which has been a dream of mine since I was 5
I took level 1&2 in Kuwait, from January till May. In the summer, I enrolled in a course in Damascus and took a placement test, and was eligible for level 4! at the end of the course, I was the second top student in my class although it wasn't very easy for me since I have skipped one whole level! That was another accomplishment for this year in my opinion...
Right now, I'm searching for a good institute here to continue Frenching my way through, cos the one I used to study in only offers beginners' classes.

A few things that I wish I could accomplish but having some troubles with:

Reading!! I still can't get myself to read books from the beginning to the end, and I don't know why. I just can't finish them! I don't have the heart to sit with a thick book with small letters, or stare at a computer screen for hours to read.. It's frustrating..
Exercising: Although I am standing at 47 Kg right now, but I still need to work out a little to have some flexibility.. sitting on my ass all day long is not serving me well at all and it's really messing my physic..
I need to find a gym, but it's really hard in this country for many reasons..
Buying a car: I have been wanting to have my own car since God knows when.. and it got worse after I got my driving licence 2 years ago. In June, I finally started the first phase of car shopping and looking at catalogues. But every time I set my mind on a car, my father starts planting obstacles out of the blue. Until it was summer time and we had to travel to Damascus, it's then when he said that we shall wait until October when all car dealerships will release the 2008 models..
October has come and gone, and I still don't have my mind set on a car...
I just hope I get it over with before the end of the year.

Relationships wise?
Long story.. will have a special entry for that one.. maybe by the end of the year.

For this month..
I have 4 things stuck in place that I need to resolve:

CMA course (depends on the institute)
French course (depends on me)
The car (depends on both dad and me)
Al-Ameen Project (depends on my boss and me)

2 months left till the end of the year..
better start resolving those resolutions very soon.

اجمل اربعين مثل

2007-10-24T14:45:00.000+03:00

I got this by email today

I thought it would be nice to share

أجمل أربعين مثل في العالم:ـ

إذا لم تكن تعلم أين تذهب ، فكل الطرق تؤدى إلى هناك

** ** ** **

يوجد دائماً من هو أشقى منك ، فابتسم

** ** ** **

يظل الرجل طفلاً حتى تموت أمه ، فإذا ماتت شاخ فجأة

** ** ** **

عندما تحب عدوك يحس بتفاهته

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إذا طعنت من الخلف فاعلم أنك في المقدمة

** ** ** **

الكلام اللين يغلب الحق البين

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كلنا كالقمر .. له جانب مظلم

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لا تتحدى إنساناً ليس لديه ما يخسره

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العين التي لا تبكي لا تبصر في الواقع شيئاً

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المهزوم إذا ابتسم أفقد المنتصر لذة الفوز

** ** ** **

لا خير في يمنى بغير يسار

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الجزع عند المصيبة ، مصيبة أخرى

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الابتسامة كلمة معروفه من غير حروف

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اعمل على أن يحبك الناس عندما تغادر منصبك ، كما يحبونك عندما تتسلمه

** ** ** **

لا تطعن في ذوق زوجتك ، فقد اختارتك أولا

** ** ** **

لن تستطيع أن تمنع طيور الهم أن تحلق فوق رأسك ولكنك تستطيع ان تمنعها من ان تعشش في راسك

** ** ** **

تصادق مع الذئاب .... على أن يكون فأسك مستعداً

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ذوو النفوس الدنيئة يجدون اللذة في التفتيش عن أخطاء العظماء

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إنك تخطو نحو الشيخوخة يوماً مقابل كل دقيقة من الغضب

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كن صديقاً ، ولا تطمع أن يكون لك صديق

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إن بعض القول فن ... فاجعل الإصغاء فناً

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الذي يولد وهو يزحف ، لا يستطيع أن يطير

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اللسان الطويل دلالة على اليد القصيرة

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نحن نحب الماضي لأنه ذهب ، ولو عاد لكرهناه

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من علت همته طال همه

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من العظماء من يشعر المرء فى حضرته أنه صغير ولكن العظيم بحق هو من يشعر الجميع في حضرته بأنهم عظماء

** ** ** **

من يطارد عصفورين يفقدهما معاً

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المرأة هي نصف المجتمع ، وهي التي تلد و تربي النصف الآخر

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لكل كلمة أذن ، ولعل أذنك ليست لكلماتي ، فلا تتهمني بالغموض

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كلما ارتفع الإنسان تكاثفت حوله الغيوم والمحن

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لا تجادل الأحمق ، فقد يخطئ الناس في التفريق بينكما

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الفشل في التخطيط يقود إلى التخطيط للفشل

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قد يجد الجبان 36 حلاً لمشكلته ولكن لا يعجبه سوى حل واحد منها وهو .. الفرار

** ** ** **

شق طريقك بابتسامتك خير لك من أن تشقها بسيفك

** ** ** **

من أطاع الواشي ضيَع الصديق

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أن تكون فرداً في جماعة الأسود خير لك من أن تكون قائداً للنعام

** ** ** **

لا تستحِ من إعطاء القليل فإن الحرمان اقل منه

just a thought

2007-09-22T15:29:00.000+03:00

have u ever had a real great thought... tried ur best to hold on to it until u wrote it down on a paper.. and then worked so hard on it... but in the end, the did not turn out as great as u thought it should be? or much worse, turned out that the idea was really stupid in the first place??

sucks no?

رمضان مبارك

2007-09-14T16:36:00.000+03:00

تركت الشام من اسبوع... هي اول صيفية بيجعني قلبي لأني راح اتركها.. مو لأني مبسوطة لأن راح سافر.. بس لأني حبيتها

اخر مرة رمضنت بالشام كانت من شي 8 سنين.. كنت بصف الحادي عشر ونزلنا انا وأهلي باخر رمضان لنعيد بالشام

بالفعل 10 سنين مدة طويلة.. نستني كيف جو رمضان بيكون بالشام.. وكيف انو الو روح مختلفة بين اهلها

عن جد بيحس الواحد انو هالشهر مختلف عن غيرو

زينة البلد.. الناس الفرحانة بالشهر.. التعبد... صعي نص هالقصص مظاهر.. بس ما منقدر بلا ما نعيش هالحالة.. لأنها متأصلة فينا.. واهل الشام ما بيقدروا ما تكون طلة هالشهر عليهون كل سنة غير شكل

على العموم.. انا ما متمنيه غير انو هالرمضان يمر على خير وسلام عالشام

والله يتقبل منا ومنكم

تعب اعصاب

2007-09-11T00:43:00.000+03:00

هلأ اذا الواحد عندو شغلة جامدة بأرضها

لا عم تمشي لأدام ولا عم ترجع لورا

بس هيك وافقة بمكانها

واللي بيجلط انو المفروض انها تتحرك.. انو تعمل اي شي.. بس ولو حركة بسيطة

انو عم يقولوا القصة قصة وقت... بس انو ما حدا بيقدر يقول انو لأيمتى

وعلى قولة.. الصبر جميل

بس والله متعب

شكلها راح تضل بأرضها

Another year

2007-06-18T15:45:00.000+03:00

I turned 24 today!

Je suis devenu avoir 24 ans!
(i hope i said that right)

Almost..

2007-06-13T20:16:00.000+03:00

About 2 weeks ago, my laptop's screen died on me, while the rest of the laptop was functioning great..
It was really strange but somewhat expected since I open and close the lid alot (I know it might not be related but deep down I believe it is)
I kept working on it by connecting it to an external LCD (my brother's monitor since he is in the middle of bakaloria exams now) but it was boring to work on one screen while the other one is blank.

I finally took it yesterday to the Dell people to see if they can fix it for me.. the guy looked at it, and said.. yea.. umm.. I'm gonna take it inside to check what the problem really is.. 3 minutes later, he came back saying that it's hopeless and fixing it will cost me 120 KD (about $330). I paused a little, so he made me an offer.. he said that I can exchange it for a brand new Dell laptop and only pay the difference in price. So I asked him how much my laptop was worth... he said "give me a minute to check with my people" I felt like I'm dealing with the mobs or something.
He came back to me and said he would buy it for 50 KD! I honestly didn't know what to make of this offer. I mean, I know that my laptop is 2 years old and it was priced at 500 KD when I bought it, but I don't really feel that it has been depreciated that bad!
The prices of the laptops they had started from 200 KD... and paying a difference starting of 150 KD didn't seem like such a bad investment, but somehow I still didn't feel like it's time to give up my beloved loyal laptop yet.. so I told the guy that I'm gonna sleep on it and get back to him the next day.

After I left the Dell store, I went to a repair man in an area very similar to ba7sa in Damascus, told him about the problem with the screen.. he said he wanted to check it out...
he unscrewed the frame, and checked some sort of chip at the back of the LCD. doing that, it took him over 15 minutes.. it got me thinking if that guy at Dell really checked what the problem was.
So the repairman kept checking until he told me that he has to change the LCD, and it will cost 50 KD. I told him to go ahead and do it!
and voila!! I have a brand new LCD on my old laptop... and everyone is happy! Except for the Dell guy who lost his deal and his commission.

It's really funny.. I was so close to buying a new laptop and leaving my old one behind.. I didn't have a big problem since I have already backed up everything.. But I knew it still wasn't time..

دعاء الحكام العرب

2007-06-07T21:36:00.000+03:00

i received this to my email today.. I thought I would share it

اللهم زِد من جلوسنا على كراسينا

وبارك لنا فيه

اواجعلها للوارث من

اواجعل ثأرنا على شعبن

اوانصرنا على من عارضنا

ولا تجعل مصيبتنا في حُكمنا

ولا تجعل راحة الشعب أكبر همنا

. ولا مبلغ عِلمنا

ولا الانقلاب العسكري مصيرنا

واجعل القصر الرئاسي هو دارنا

اللهم إنا نسألك فترة ممتدة

وهجمة مُرتدة

والصبر على المعارضة

والنصر على الشعب

اللهم ارزقنا معونة لا نسرق بعدها أبدا

اللهم لا تفتح أبواب خزائننا لغيرنا

اللهم وفق أمريكا لما فيه خيرن

االلهم اغفر لـ (جورج بوش) فإنه لا يعلم أننا لا نعلم

اللهم وفقه لما فيه 99% في المائة من أصوات الناخبين

اللهم اقذف حُبه في قلوب اللوبي الصهيوني كالجلطة

اللهم لا تُحاسبه من أول غلطة

اللهم عليك بشعبي، أما أعدائي فأنا سأتفاوض معهم

اللهم طيّب جمرتي وخبّث جمرة شعبي

اللهم ارزقنا حب أمريكا

وحب من يُحب أمريكا

وحب ما يُقربنا إلى حب أمريك

االلهم أمركني ولا تأفغني

اللهم برطني ولا تصوملني

اللهم فرنسني ولا تسودني

اللهم أني أبرأ من الاستعانة في حكم شعبي بأحد

ولا حتى بصديق، ولا برأي الجمهور

للهم أني أعوذ بك من كرسي يُخلع

ومن شعب لا يُقمع

ومن صحيفة لا تُمنع

ومن خطاب لا يُسمع

ومن مواطن لا يُخدع

وأعوذ بك من كل عمل يُقربني إليك!

اللهم لا ( تكنسل ) دعاءن

اولا (تهنجنا) ثم تُعيد تشغيلنا

ولا ترفعنا من الخدمة أبد الآبدين

يا أرحم الراحمين يا رب.

2 years ago

2007-06-06T12:15:00.000+03:00

Exactly 2 years ago, I walked on a big stage in Shaikh Rashid's Hall, shook hands with Shaikh Mohammed bin Rashed Al Maktoom, CNN coorespondent Christiane Amanpour, President of AUD Dr. Lance DeMasi, and the Dean of Business School Dr. Jihad Nader. I was told Congratulations. And my moment was broadcasted on Dubai Satalite TV.

Exactly 2 years ago, I graduated.

I had 10 invitations to give away.. to invite the people I care about most to share that special moment with me.
I ended up inviting 3 people only, and the rest of the invitations... well.. i gave them back to the registrar's office cos I didn't need them
the 3 invitations were for the 3 people who hated wearing suites like crazy but still wore them to come to my graduation ceremoney. Brian, Bobby, Ismaiel... Thanks guys...

I couldn't invite people cos most of the people I know were already graduating, and the others got invites from other people...

It was hearbreaking to see people asking for extra 5 to 10 invitations because they wanted to invite as many people as they can, when I had to give up 7 invitations cos I didn't need them.
My friend's brother flew all the way from Canada just to attend the graduation.
My parents couldn't fly in from Kuwait because my siblings were in the middle of exams and couldn't be left alone.
It was such a horrible feeling to see everyone's families' waiting outside for their kids who make them proud.. to see everyone with someone... and to just watch.

My only consolation is that it the ceremoney was broadcased on tv and my family in Kuwait and Syria got to watch it. My parents even taped it to watch it as many times as they could.

It's really stupid of me just to remember the annoying stuff from my graduation.
I believe AUD was an important phase of my life.. reaching graduation was very important to me because it ment that I made it through... I made an achievement, when so many people were waiting for me to fall apart.

On a last note, the camera I had that day was a non-digital Canon Prima Super 115.
I used up a full roll that day. I still haven't developed the pictures though.
At the begining of the month, I tried to collect all the courage I have to confront myself and live the moment again, the good moment! but I chickened out and pretended to forget it.
It is well kept, so I don't think anything would happen to it.

I don't blame anyone for not reading through the whole thing.. it's really depressing only remembering the annoying things about such a happy day... but in order for me to let go, I need to open up and talk it out... and pray there would be someone who listens.

and here comes June

2007-06-03T00:04:00.001+03:00

This resolution increments thing should work.. if only I had the strength to stick to it

The reading thing was going ok until i faced a problem with one book.. then the whole idea fell apart *sigh*

no.. I stopped reading that book, and grabbed another one called "Please Stop Laughing at me". it is a true story about bullying and abuse in schools in the United States.

I really loved the story and loved how true it was. I have never been physically abused during school years, but like everyone.. I was psychologically abused, mostly in college, and because of how much of a drama queen I can be, I never managed to let go.

But this month, I want to let go.
This month, because on June 6th, exactly 2 years have passed on my graduation. and I believe it's time I let all this agony and anger go, and live in peace.

Yes June is full of memories; Bakaloria exams, high school graduation, final days in college, university graduation, leaving Dubai for good... and most importantly... my birthday.
I'm turning 24 in about 2 weeks.. not too excited about it.. but we will see how it goes.

and my brother's birthday was today.
He always gets us these amaaazing gifts and for us, it was just so frustrating to get him something cos we had no idea what he wants, and he was so cool as in.. I don't want anything I just wanna celebrate with you guys..
so I ended up making him brownies (with a burnt surface ofcourse!)
but he loved them!! and it made me happy!

So I'm going to be reminiscing alot on this blog this month.

I think I should call my blog "Dear Diary" instead of Twisted with Spice.
aah what the hell.. Dear Diary is so unoriginal

Oh this month, I will be finishing my French classes (level 2). I hope the institute would open a third level before I leave to Damascus (as if I know exactly when I'm going to Damascus)
but one thing I know for sure.. I love the language.

June's book is a classic: "The Animal's Farm"
and we will see how it goes....

فتوى بقتل عناصر حركة حماس

2007-05-22T21:50:00.000+03:00

بخضام القتال.. والناس عم تدور على بارقة أمل

وغير ناس عم تدور على شوية مي باردة تطفي فيها شرارة الفتنة

بيطلعلنا واحد بيفهم كتير

وبيقللنا الحكي التالي:ـ

دبي- العربية.نت

استنكر مفتى القدس والديار الفلسطينية محمد حسين أول فتوى علنية أفتى بها الشيخ شاكر الحيران بجواز قتل عناصر حماس ودخول قاتلهيم الجنة، واعتبر المفتي أن تلك الفتوى هي دعوة صريحة للفتنة وأنه لا يجوز الخروج بفتاوى تستبيح "دماء الموحدين.

وكان الحيران نشر في وقت سابق في أحد المواقع الإلكترونية الفلسطينية فتوى طالب فيها عناصر وقوات الأمن الفلسطينية من قياديين وضباط وعساكر بقتل عناصر حماس الذين نعتهم بالخوراج الخارجين عن الشرعية، وقام الحيران كذلك بمهاجمة رابطة علماء فلسطين واصفا إياهم بالمرابطين خلف أبواب حماس، وبحسب مراقبين فإن الحيران وصل به الأمر إلى تكفير اؤلئك العلماء عندما قال لهم "أنتم أول من تسعر النار بهم يوم القيامة، وفي رقابكم دماء الأبرياء، فقد كتمتم ما أنزل الله من الهدى والبينات، وبعتم الدين بعرض من الدنيا"، وذلك بحسب ما ورد في صحيفة "الوطن" السعودية.

وطالب الحيران ان تقوم كافة وسائل الإعلام بإظهار اؤلئك العلماء على الشاشات ومواقع الإنترنت لسؤالهم عن "حكم هؤلاء القتلة والمجرمين" ويقصد بحسب تعبيره- اعضاء حركة حماس- فإن قالوا "إن ما يفعلونه حرام فاقتلوا القتلة بدم بارد مأجورين من الله على تخليص المسلمين من سطوتهم وشرهم، وإن قالوا إن ما يحدث حلال فاقتلوا علماءهم واقتلوهم فهم كلهم سوء".

------ انتهى الخبر-----

تعليقي الوحيد للمستشيخ يللي صرحلنا بهالتصريح: تضرب انته ويللي حطك بمنصب لتحكي فيه

Flickr & Paypal

2007-05-19T22:50:00.000+03:00

So I found out yesterday that I can finally upgrade my Flickr account to a Pro account. I couldn't do that before because Kuwait was not listed amongst the countries of residence to choose from. I had no idea why.

It was very annoying that I couldn't upgrade, I really wanted to do so, so I could create albums and sort the photos.. being the neat freak that I am, it is the only natural thing to do... and since I couldn't do that, I left it be and stopped uploading pictures once and for all.

I rushed and asked my brother for his internet credit card, and promised to pay him back.
I browsed to the page, entered my information at Flickr, and suddenly, it took me to Paypal's website..
Hello?? I'm paying Flickr using a visa card! why Paypal?
Yes.. it's one of those integrated marketing methods where it says "if you wanna buy that, you gotta buy this along with it.. this is an inseparable package". For the first time, I hated my Business major.

So I opened the Paypal account and all.. now.. all I had to do is pay Flickr and get the damned upgrade.
It turned out that I have to activate my Paypal account by 1. entering a verification number, which I will get the next time I get my bank statement (because they will charge a refundable $2 for the number!) and 2. by sending them a confirmation fax to activate the account!

Now I wouldn't mind opening a Paypal account, I heard good stuff about it. but there is only one small problem.. the credit card isn't mine! and I told my brother that I will only pay for the 1 year Flickr fee.

This is very inconvenient.
What if I was paying for a last minute thing?
What if I finally found something I was desperately looking for, from a store that ONLY accepts payments via Paypal, and it was the last piece in stock, and I had to wait for my bank statement to activate the account?! Believe me, it happens... and it happens to people like me!
I understand security, and I understand what Paypal is doing... but I don't understand what Flickr is doing... People should have more choices! not only Paypal!!

Anywho.. thank God my brother was understanding.. and we will see how stuff goes.

Speaking of convenience, Blogger has introduced blog drafts auto saving, just like Gmail!
yea.. it made me happy!

وليدة عام 1948

2007-04-30T22:30:00.000+03:00

خبرين امبارح سمعتهم، خلوني حس كيف العالم عم ينغسل دماغو شوي شوي

أول خبر كان: انتحاري يفجر نفسه في مجلس شيعي للعزاء

يعني انو بدي افهم، شو عقلو هاد الزلمة يللي بيروح على مجلس عزاء، الناس فيه حزانى،، وفوق منها آمنين، يعني لا هنن بالشارع ولا بمسجد (هي قصة تانية، ما عاد حدا يسترجي يروح على مسجد) ، باسم شو راح يفجر نفسو؟؟ لأ وبحزام ناسف كمان

أحلى شي بالخبر انو شاهد عيان عم يقول :ـ
"الانفجار جاء من وسط الخيمة. لقد قتل كثيرون. كان هناك دخان كثيف والجثث في كل مكان. سادت حالة فوضى كاملة."

دخان كثيف وفوضى وجثث، مين لحق يشوف ويقر ويعترف بعد هالصدمة انو ايه والله كان في واحد رابط حالو بحزام ناسف وفجر الدنيا!!ـ

كأنو صارت شغلة بديهية انو أي تفجير بالعراق هو أكيد لا محالة عبارة عن عملية انتحارية.. وراها سؤال: ايمتا راح تكون الضربة المعاكسة لأخذ الثأر.. حاكم نحنا عرب.. من جماعة التااااار ولا العاااار

أنو أهم شي أنو صارو يلقمونا الخبر بالمعلقة.. ومع مرارتو، ومع رفضنا الو، ومع انو منعرف انو 90% منو عبارة عن سلبة بكل معنى الكلمة، منهز براسنا.. ومنقللون.. طييييبة!!ـ

العلة انو صرنا سامعين هالخبر مدري كم ألف مرة.. من جوا كلنا منعرف انو ما مزبوط.. بس اعلامنا الببغائي متل الشاطرين بيروحو بينقلو الخبر متل ما لقموه ياهون

يا اعلام.. ما سمعتو بشي اسمو الأمانة؟؟

ايه.. انا برفض اني اعترف انو العراقيين هنن يللي عم ينفذوا العمليات الانتحارية ضد المدنيين وعم يحرضو على النزعات الطائفية.. وبآمن انو جيش التحالف هنن يللي عم يحركوا الفتنة

وأنا هيك عم سمي الأشياء بمسمياتها.. واني قول او وافق انو يللي عم يصير هو بداية الحرب الأهلية، هون أول خيط الاستسلام.. وهون منقول لأمريكا وللتحالف.. معليش خلوكون عنا نحنا ما منسوا شي بلاكون يا جماعة الخير

كتير ممكن يشوفها نظرية مؤامرة.. بس على فكرة، نحنا العرب كنا أول معطيات هالنظرية

الخبر التاني بيقول: "السجن المؤبد لخمسة مسلمين بريطانيين متهمين بالارهاب" ـ

أهم شي بالخبر هو طريقة صياغتو. لو مثلا كانو هدول المتهمين بالارهاب يهود (ايه سوري بللشت خربط) قصدي سيخ أو كنفوشيين أو حتى وجوديين.. هل كانت راح تنذكر ديانتهون؟؟

لو ما كانو مسلمين كان خبر المحاكمة ما انحكى، وكانوا أصلا حاكموهم بتهم جرمية بدال ما يفصلولها كلمة "الارهاب" على قياسون
شو ما كانوا عاملين هالخمسة.. ارهابيين ولا مانون ارهابيين، لساتهون ناس.. وبتخيل انو هالشي اسمو تمييز عنصر بحت

مافيني أبدا اعتب على الاعلام الأجنبي انو نقل الحدث بهالصورة.. ما نحنا الحمدلله، صارلنا من 11 ايلول الألفين وواحد ملزوقة بضهرنا هالتهمة، والأحلى من هيك انو ما عم ننفيها عن حالنا، بالعكس عم نزيدها، والأحليين لسا انو كل ما حدا بيحاول يعمل شي منيح، بينحطللو عصي بالدواليب، ولسا التلات أحلايات أنو الاعلام العربي يللي المفروض انو عم يمثلنا عم ينقل الخبر متل ما عم يتلقمو من يللي فوقو

لأنو ببساطة اعلام فاسد

أولا وأخيرا.. الحق علينا... حابين كتير الملح المكبوس على جرحنا... السكوت والهدوء والصمت عم يساعدنا بتطوير حالة التمسحة

الفكرة واضحة وقديمة كتير.. انولدت بسنة 1948.. حتى من قبل.. من ايام سايكس بيكو ووعد بلفور "المشؤوم".. وعمرها مافي الا عم يزيد يا سواد وشنا من الأجيال يللي راح تجي بعدنا

بس ما قدرت ما فش خلقي

ما بعرف اذا تاريخنا راح يسود أكتر من هيك.. والأظرف من هيك انو ما بيطلعلنا نكتبو

يا أخي وبلا ما نكتبه.. لو كتبناه راح يطلع تلات ارباعو كذب بكذب
حاكم ماحدا بيقول عن زيتو عكر

The Frog Prince

2007-04-23T23:15:00.000+03:00

I'm listening to this song right now called "The Frog Prince" by Keane and I have replayed it like 5 times so far.. it is just so beautiful!!
and I felt it would be very selfish of me if I didn't share it..
I looked for it over youtube.. and found a nice version of it.. I hope it's clear enough

Enjoy!!

*edit*
Couldn't insert the embedded youtube thing so here is the link :S
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xy-qdNxKals
*self thought: how unprofessional!!*

An old fairytale told me
The simple heart will be prized again
A toad will be our king
And ugly ogres are heroes

Then you'll shake
Your fist at the sky
Oh why did I rely
On fashions and small fry?

All promises broken
Feed your people or lose your throne
And forfeit your whole kingdom
I'd sooner lose it than still live in it alone
You were our golden child
But the gentle and the mild
Inherit the earth, while

Your prince's crown
Cracks and falls down
Your castle hollow and cold
You've wandered so far
From the person you are
Let go brother, let go

Cos now we all know
Soon, someone will put a spell on you
Perfume, treasure, sorcery, every trick they know
You will lie in a deep sleep

That's whenYour prince's crown
Cracks and falls down
Your castle hollow and cold
You've wandered so far
From the person you are
Let go brother, let go

Cos now we all know

home sweet home.. 3la asaas

2007-04-21T08:53:00.000+03:00

اليوم بابيتو رجع من السفر

فاليوم الصبح هيك وأنا عم اشرب القهوة، تذكرت شغلة صارت معي لما نزلت عالشام من دبي

وصلت الطيارة عالشام، طبعا مفللة، وكلها سوريين من أهل بلادي العتيدين... وأهل دبي.. وما ادراك ما اهل دبي

المهم، وقفة الجوازات أخدتلا شي ساعة متل العادة.. ما بعرف ليش، مع انو في تنين موظفين قاعدين على كل شباك، وعندون كومبييوتر والمفروض الشغل يتم بسرعة.. بس اعدم حالي اذا شي مرة كانت وقفتي على هالشباك سريعة

بعد الانتظار، وتكسر الرجلين بسبب السكربينة العالية (يعني جاية شوف بيت جدي يللي صرلي سنة ما شفتون، المفروض كون أنيقة) وصلت عالشباك وصار دوري

الضابط: أهلا أهلا الحمدلله عالسلامة.. منين جاية

أنا: من دبي

الضابط: ايه اهلين اهلين

وصار يقلب بصفحات الجواز

بعدين قللو للضابط يللي معو... شوف بالله شوف.. فيزا من الجامعة الأمريكية

قللو.. لك ايييه شوووف.. فيزتييين بالخليج.. وأريضة

انا صرت مدري كيف.. وما عرفت شو قول.. ركبت على وشي ابتسامة صفرا مشان اطلع من هالموقف البايخ يللي انحطيت فيه غصبن عني وما صدقت الا لما قالولي "الله معك" مشان اخلص.. و بعدت عنون وانا عم اقرا المعوذات خفت لا يكونو طرقوني عين

شو اول استقبال.. بيشهي.. الله لا يدوقا لحدا

wo ba3deeeneen!?!

2007-04-20T02:27:00.000+03:00

heeeeeh
ok sthg funny just happened
i posted my entry, and i was about to navigate away from my page
then i saw that "next blog" link, on the blogger bar thingy.. so i was like.. oh what the hell lets see what kinda blog i would get

hmm.. it wasnt very pleasing.. i am such a lucky person!
it was an anti-islam blog that had links to other anti-islam blogs, and both had links to sites that give quite a bad image about islam..

it's really sick.. i mean to have pages and pages just dedicated to bashing a religion? is that what those people actually live and die for?

but they have a cause.. and i guess we gave them that cause.. especially after 9/11
the only ones to blame are us, cos we have nothing to offer to the world to prove that we are not as bad as they think we are

the good thing was there were very very few comments on the blog entries..
it either means that they are not read, or not interesting enough to be commented on, or people are too shy to comment, or just whatever

effft and i thought i was gonna get myself a good night sleep
kanet na2estni hazzet el badan 3and hal masa

wo ba3deen?

2007-04-20T01:57:00.000+03:00

ok.. thats it.. i give up
im not touching that book again
its been sitting in my face since last month and ive been trying to read it ever since but i just cant
i cant
every time i sit myself down after setting my reading atmosphere, i just grab it, flip it over once or twice in my hands and then place it back on my desk
i dont know why this is happening
i mean its an interesting book and i already started it.. it sure would be a lot better if it was a documentary on tv rather than a book. i just dont know whats wrong!!!!

:(

Another movie

2007-04-17T16:53:00.000+03:00

It's very weird what boredom can do to a person..

I was bored and out of it last night, so I decided to sit with my family in the TV room for a change.
They were watching "The day after tomorrow", the movie where earth freezes, and we get a new ice age..
where people start panicking and they run away and try to find a way to outlive the storm and bleh..
Just like Armageddon, Deep Impact, Independence Day, and many many other movies that have the same concept: The world is coming to an end, and American Heroes will save us!!

Well.. I was always indifferent about those movies.... like.. aaah.. nice graphics.. good imagination.. too much acting.. whatever

Right now, 2 incidents have changed my perspective to the whole "American Heroes" movies..
1. 9/11
2. The Americans Invading Iraq.

If I may, I'm going to talk about the American Invasion of Iraq first.

On Thursday, March 20, 2007, my brother and I had a flight to catch from Kuwait to Dubai to go back to Uni, although we still had a few more days of our vacation, but we made our reservation, the lady told us that there will be no flights from Kuwait Airport starting Friday.
Anyways, we went to the airport 4 hours before our flight time cos we thought it was gonna be chaotic in the airport due to the circumstances. and it was.

The airport was under construction (cos they were expanding it), so it was already in a mess.. and people were just all over the place.. with their luggage.. all trying to find a flight to catch so they can get out of there. to top it off, all airline companies cancelled their flights from/to Kuwait airport, except for Kuwait Airways.
We were lucky enough to be flying Kuwait Airways, and it was a wise thing to go early.

As we were heading towards passport control, we said our goodbye's to dad and left.. he called on us.. gave us money.. hugged the both of us.. and told us to take care.. and that we have an open ticket and we can fly to Damascus when school ends if necessary, and my uncle over there will always take care of us..

I forgot to mentioned that sirens went off once before we went to the airport, once on the way, and once while were getting ready to board the plane. and I don't know how many times after we took off.

Long story short.. it felt like the end of the world.. and I'm not sure if any director/producer/ writer/ whatever of movies such as yesterday's have been in a situation like that where he really felt like it was the end of the world.
In this specific situation, the Americans were not the heroes who saved us, they were the terrorizers.

And this all happened in Kuwait where people were scared of something that might not happen.
Iraq? we hear about it in the news every single day.

9/11
So, assuming that writers/directors/producers have never been in a similar situation before.
And assuming that those people are Americans, since movies are produced in Hollywood.
Ok.. I have never been to the US, and I didn't know which Towers are the World Trade Center until 9/11.

Watching the towers on TV collapsing, overseas, in a country that I don't belong to... it felt sick!
Just thinking there were people trapped in those buildings, real people, real lives, with real families praying that they will be okkay..
I couldn't have any feelings other than sympathy, and fear.. and I knew it will be a day that would change the world.

Back to the writers/producers/directors.. I don't know how they feel about 9/11, but real people have died that day, and the American Hero did not save them from collapsing.
Who are they kidding with their movies? defying the impossible?!

For those who have reached reading here, thank you.. it must have was such a bore reading this.. I don't even know how I finished the entry.

Final note about "The day after Tomorrow"
It is about a sudden climate change because human beings are consuming natural resources unreasonably and are not caring for Mother Earth.

According to the final reports regarding Global Warming, the US had the highest percentage of gas immittance because of the growing industries and power plants, and the US government still refuses to sign the Kyoto protocol.
I don't know how a movie can change those facts and fix the US' mistakes.

Gangs of New York

2007-04-09T02:56:00.000+03:00

I've just finished watching Gangs of New York for the first time. I have to say it's one of those movies that leave an impact on a person after watching it to the end.
I am a bit hesitant to write this entry for a feeling that I have.
But as usual, I'm gonna go against my instinct and write it anyways. For this time, it might be wrong.
What I am going to type down here is pure personal thoughts and are not derived by any sort of belief, theory, or stereotypes.

So the movie for those who don't know it is about Irish gangs that used to fight in the streets of New York in the 1800s (also during the civil war). Mainly there were two parties, the one believing that Irish will always be Irish, and the ones that gave up being called Irish, and are now "native" Americans.
The whole point is, there was a lot of blood shedding.

I've just searched Wikipedia to see if those occurrences were true, (or at least to know how true it is) because I don't want to throw a judgment just based on watching a movie, and yes… it is mostly true (I'm gonna eliminate the Hollywood/amazing Scorsese drama because they shouldn’t count). In general, it was based on true history.

Now… what I'm trying to get at is when anyone looks back at the history of America and the Americans, there isn't so much glory in it… at least, I don't see it!
I don't know much about civil war, or issues with the immigrants, or the slavery.
I just know that those people hated each other, to the point of wanting to kill one another. One person held no respect whatsoever to anyone but himself and his opinion.
In my personal belief, I just think that when a trait dominates a group of people, it stays with them for generations. It might change due to circumstances, but it stays there, passively.
The thing is, unlike us Arabs (Muslims) who had a glorious past that we are still proud of (not an occasion passes by without us screaming out loud the accomplishment we made a gazillion years ago, forgetting that we stopped accomplishing anything a gazillion year after), Americans who have a shameful history (or so I want to call it), are the proudest people of their identity.
I've never been to the US in my life, but I have met a few Americans, and yes, they are all proud of where they come from, regardless of their original backgrounds.
They don't let the past scare them; in fact, the past is like their motive to prove their presence as "better people" (yemken ballashet shatte7).

No I'm not trying to say that I want to be an American so I can feel proud of a country that I belong to for once.

I just think that we have more rights than Americans to be proud of who we are, and not be scared of revealing our Arab identity as if we have something to be scared or ashamed of.
Because it's true, most of us (if not all) are ashamed of our current identity due to political issues and the new stereotype that has been force-pasted on our foreheads since 2001.

New York rose from poverty, gang wars, and corruption, to become the big apple.
It might sound silly, but it does give me hope that our Arab countries will someday rise from poverty, gangs (the Arab sort), and corruption, to overcome its pitfalls, and consider it, as we call it in Arabic, a "summer cloud".

March is over

2007-03-31T21:45:00.000+03:00

So whatever happened to my March resolution?
I have no idea
all I know is that I didn't achieve much in March.
Just enrolling in French classes, and refreshing my old French and Kuwaiti vocabulary.

I might be hard on my self, maybe I have achieved more than I think I have.
But for some reason I feel like if I wasn't hard on myself, I won't do better.
It could be wrong, I don't know. But it's working out pretty well for me.

No, I didn't finish reading Muhjababes, I stopped half way through because the English is so British and I completely forgot British English!
Plus, it still eats me from the inside to think and see that a British reporter has more guts and passion to do an investigation about the Arab youths, than any Arab reporter (at least not as far as I know).
I know it is a book worth reading.
It is April's book (it's ok cos I haven't officially named it March's book)

As for other resolutions...

I shall study my Frenchies stuff.. and concentrate on the spelling!!
Continue the Ameen accounting project for work, and make some progress

My cousin and her daughters came from Paris to Kuwait in April of last year. I somehow wish they could come again.. we had so much fun together...

انو والله فكرة

2007-03-29T00:03:00.000+03:00

هالأيام حلمي صاير انو يخترعو العلماء والمبتكرين شي جهاز هيك بيتوصل بالدماغ وبيسجل الأفكار.. ويكون هيك صغير ولا مرئي

مشان لما الواحد بتجيه شي 50 فكرة بذات الوقت.. ويجي بدو يسجلون.. وما يلحق يحط منون الا كم واحدة وينسى البقيانين.. يعني مشان ما يصير معو شوية احباط

هلأ الواحد لما بتجيه موجة الأفكار.. بتنقسم الأفكار لأفكار سوبر ظريفة، وافكار ظريفة، وافكار بلا طعمة متل قلتها

والشي السئيل يللي بيصير انو الواحد ما بيلحق يسجل الا الافكار اللي ظريفة او يللي بلا طعمة.. والسوبر ظريفة بتحلق بعيدا.. وبتحاول تعزمها مية عزيمة لترجع تستقر بمخك.. بس مافي فايدة

الأسئل والأغلظ من هيك، انو هيك موجات ما بتجي الا بأوقات حشكة كتير.. متل لما بيكون الواحد عم يتحمم او واقف عم يصللي او عم يعمل شغلة بستحي احكي شو هيه مثلا

انو شلون ممكن بهاللحظة يقدر الواحد يسجل أفكارو وهو مالو فاضي؟

او على الأقل يسلسلها مثلا؟

انشالله بيخترعولنا هالاختراع.. اهم شي مشان نرتاح من سآلة الأفكار و موجات الأفكار

Rain

2007-03-28T23:51:00.000+03:00

What is better than winter rain?

Unexpected Spring rain!!
it was pouring all day long on Monday.. very pleasant and unexpected.
unexpected because we thought that summer has already came; temperature was above 30 last week, the AC's are on and we all thought that summer had started!

But nope!
it's just a thought.. only a thought.

I enjoyed the rain.

It was both scary and safe..
I don't really like driving at night, although the streets' illumination in Kuwait is indescribable.. but i just don't like it...
add to that slippery roads.. it wasn't such an easy thing
But I was told that I did a great job..

and I enjoyed cruising under the rain

the effects were just amazing..
I looked at the car's temperature scale this morning.. and it was 19 C!!!
19!!!!
(at this time of the year it is usually 25 C more or less)

and they keep on telling me about global warming!
Come on over to Kuwait people!!

ليش بابيتو؟؟

2007-03-18T02:10:00.000+03:00

انو لهلأ ما كنت افهملو

شوي بيقللي انتي كبيرة وواعية وبتقدري تحملي مسؤولية وانا معتمد عليكي

وشوي بينسى حالو وكل شي قالو

وما بيتذكر شي غير هالبنت الصغيرة كيف من شي تلاتة وعشرين كانت عم تتعلم المشي

هي مشيت وركضت وسبقت الكل.. وهو لساتو علقان بأول مشية

بعرف من خوفو عليي

انا كمان بس خايفة عليه من انو ينصدم لما يكتشف انو هالتلاتة وعشرين سنة مرقو وخلصو.. وانا صرت بنص الطريق وهو مالو منتبه

French classes? Or maybe not?

2007-03-15T15:04:00.000+03:00

OK since there is nothing to do in God forsaken Kuwait, I decided to improve my French by taking French classes.

The most trusted academic institution here is University of Kuwait. and luckily, they offer night classes of all sorts, like language classes, business classes, computer classes, and mini seminars.

The other good thing is that it's open for everyone, Kuwaitis, and non-Kuwaitis.
Why is this a good thing? because University of Kuwait is public, meaning that it is for Kuwaitis only, meaning that, if you are a non-Kuwaiti who decides to study in University of Kuwait, your bakaloria's grades average should be above 92% at least, and on top of that, you should have some Vitamin Wasta for some support... and not any type would do.. it has to be the heavy caliber type..

Anywhooo..
Thank God I didn't have to go through that.. I just took the easy path and studied in Dubai.

So.. the night classes programs are part of Kuwait University's Center for Community Service & Continuing Education.
(yea it sounds like I'm advertising here)

They also offer Arabic courses for the non-Arabic speakers.
and the funny thing is, they offer "Kuwaiti Slang" classes!!
Yes! it is a whole course! in 3 months,2 classes a week, you can learn how to speak Kuwaiti!
Something I learnt when I was 4 or something.

I was wondering if they offered such a thing in Syria, how many "Syrian Slangs" would there be??
Ok, there is Shami, Horani, Durzi, Nabki, Homsi, Hamwi, Jabali, Halabi, Deiri, Shawi, the people of the coast alone have over 5 slangs (I think)...
Actually, in Damascus alone, there is a difference between the slang of a Qanawati and of a Mindani.
(I'm not gonna even talk about people who resided inside or outside the wall that surrounded old Damascus')

And that's diversity for you!!

I started classes this week. My classes are Saturdays and Mondays, 5-7.

This is the ironic part:
I am taking 2 classes in 1!!
How?
Well, my instructor and all of my classmates are Kuwaitis... and the spoken language in class is "Kuwaiti"
So, I'm refreshing my "Kuwaiti Slang" information besides learning French.

Pretty interesting no?

Some people find Gulf slangs really heavy and annoying (like my dad who has been in this country for over 30 years) but I don't know, I enjoy hearing it..

I personally think Language (Even slang) is the easiest key to a country's culture.

نهار منكرب

2007-03-11T12:21:00.000+03:00

عن امبارح

أسئل شي بالدنيا لما بتفيق الصبح منكرب وعرفان انو نهارك كللو راح يكون متل صباحك... منكرب

بتروح عالشغل بيكون مافي ضغط.. او بالأحرى مافي شغل.. بتتمنى لو انك ضليت بالفرشة ونمت ساعة زيادة

بتسوق بالشارع بيطلعلك كل عباقرة السواقة بالبلد بوشك، ولبين ما توصل على البيت بتكون زمرتللك شي خمستالاف زمور وسبيت شي 100 مسبة ولعنت شي 200 أب وكفرت شي 500 كفرية

بتوصل عالبيت لتشوف انو الوالدة (الله يعطيها العافية) طابخة أكلة ما بتحبها.. وهالشغلة مو بس اليوم.. هي الشغلة عم تصير لليوم الرابع على التوالي.. لك أمي ارحميني والله راح موت من الجوع

عندك دوام بمعهد بعد الضهر، أول حصة، بتلاقي الوالد أخد السيارة وطار فيها.. وبيتصل بعد شي نص ساعة (معليش حبيبتي.. خدي تكسي واربطي معو ليجي يرجعك عالبيت).. خدي تكسي.. شو سهلة هالكلمة

يعني اركبي مع شوفير هندي عبقري سواقة ما بيخللي حدا ما بيكسر عليه او يدوبل عليه، وبيسوق على 140 بشارع ال100 وبيضرب بريكات الله أعلم فيها، هادا غير اذا اخد وش لما بقللو ارجعلي عالسبعة.. بيصير مفكر حالو الشوفير الشخصي تبعي ولازم يرافقني بجميع تحركاتي

امرنا لألله.. منطلب التكسي.. ساعة لتجي التكسي... شوفير التكسي ما بيعرف الطريق.. يللا بكل الأحوال اتأخرت عن الصف..بوصل عالصف.. بعد ما يبلش بشي تلت ساعة وانا مسلوق بدني لأني بكره التأخير كره الجرب... خلص الصف.. رجعت على البيت
بيخلص النهار.. بتقول يللا خلص ما بقا شي يصير.. شو بدو يصير كمان؟؟

بحكي تليفون... بسمع خبرية حزينة كتير.. بتزيد النكربة

لا لسا ما خلص النهار.. لسا ما صارت 12

من زمان مؤمنة، وامبارح آمنت أكتر انو مسج صغيرة ممكن تدايق أروق شخص بالدنيا.. فما بالك بشخص منكرب
حتى لو كان هالشخص صديق عزيز وبيمون
حلفت الا اتفشش فيه

وبعتللو مسج بتدايق اكتر

واتدايق

وخبصتها

واتدايقت انا بالزيادة.. يا ربي خللي هالنهار يخلص بقا!!! ـ

حملت حالي ورحت لنام.. ومتل العادة... مافي نوم

سوري اذا وجعت راس حدا.. بس عنجد أوففففففف

February, almost over

2007-02-27T00:49:00.000+03:00

February book is over!!
yes!!

I finished it 2 days ago, and I also started my March book, Muhajababes.

It's an investigation by a British BBC reporter about Arab youths... trying to find the things that influence our lives.
Her journey included Beirut, Amman, Cairo, Dubai, Kuwait, and Damascus.
So far it is very enjoyable.. apparently she spent most of her time in Lebanon. I don't know if the ideas she got about Arabs from Lebanese people are genuine or not, since most of the Lebanese population don't consider themselves, but Phoenicians.
Will see.. the book will tell...

As for the other February resolutions:

I managed to top the numbers of my blog entries in this month, and had only 1 entry in Arabic, the rest in English, which is very good.
For the Al-Ameen project, finished the data- entry phase! but i need to start the real accounting stuff!! so I got myself a book that would help me through with that.
It is so pathetic that the thing that I need most right now with my work is the thing I learnt least in college..

Will write down March resolutions very soon..
I can't believe the first 2 months of the year are over so soon!

untitled

2007-02-21T23:23:00.000+03:00

I haven't blogged in a while..

Hope that February's resolution isn't falling apart..

I'm almost done with Angels and Demons.. finally managed to get hooked!! i read about 100 pages yesterday... haven't done that in a loooong time!!
but it was fun

Next week is off mostly because of the National Day/Liberation Day holiday (25/26)
It's gonna be a long weekend, from Thursday till Monday. So I suggested to my family that we go somewhere like Oman or Dubai.. or at least rent a chalet here and just hang out.. Dad didn't seem to mind, but my brothers were totally against it.. I have no idea why..
It was a try..

right now I'm in love with this band called Panic! at the disco.
it's a mix of alternative rock, to techno, to emo, to many kinds of stuff..
and the nicest thing about it is the track names
they have no relation whatsoever to the actual songs!
makes it pretty cool..
my current favorite one is "The only difference between martyrdom and suicide is press coverage"
very objective i think..

Valentine's

2007-02-14T23:47:00.000+03:00

Ok here is my view regarding valentine's day:

It sucks!

Enough about the argument that states that love shouldn't be celebrated on a single day and should be celebrated throughout the year.. I've been hearing it ever since I learnt about Valentine's Day.... lets talk about other stuff:

For single (or lonely) people, Valentine's Day is a constant reminder of their situation they are trying to ignore or forget or not ready to face.
It is also a reminder that time is running out and they should start doing something with their lives.

It's painful for people who spent the year before with a beloved one, and then lost that person for a reason or another.

It sucks for people who get along with everybody.. have loads of friends, but never a "special" person in their life..

It hurts for a single person whose all friends are married or hooked, and s/he spends the day alone.

It is stealing in the broad daylight:
A decent rose here in Kuwait on a normal day costs about 500 Fils (less than 2$US). However, on Valentine's Day, the same rose we are talking about costs over 2KD (over 6$ US).
This is what i call a rip off

I'm 23.. I've never done anything special on Valentine's Day
I got my first rose when I was 18. It was from a waiter at Chili's cos it was the restaurant's policy to give out roses to girls only. I was with my best friend on that day, but only I was the first-timer. To top it off, the rose was wilted.

My second and last rose was from my best friend Brian. He gave me my rose, and then he left to spend the rest of his day with his girlfriend. Well at least that rose wasn't wilted *sigh*

I still don't hate valentine's day.. I'm just irritated.
Who knows? maybe by next year, I will have a special one around, and won't have to complain anymore.
btw, this is what I told myself last year. But hope is what keeps us alive!

Hope that today was a great day for everyone who reads this.

خوري روسي

2007-02-14T01:12:00.000+03:00

هي الغنية كان ابي يغنيلي ياها لما كنت صغيرة

وغناها لكل اخواتي

ولهلأ كل ما بيجي لعنا ولد صغير بيغنيلو ياها

كان في

خوري روسي

عندو قطة

حلوة كتير

بيحبا كتير

جاب الخوري

شقفة لحمة

حطا عالطاولة

اجت القطة

اكلت اللحمة

شافا الخوري

ضربها الخوري

ماتت القطة

زعل الخوري

حفرلا حفرة

طمرها فيها

كتب على قبرا

كان في

خوري روسي

عندو قطة

حلوة كتير

بيحبا كتير

وبتضل الغنية تعيد حالها لحتى ينعس الولد او يديق خلقو او يحفظها ويلتهي فيها.. بتضل احسن من الفعي

مدري شو ذكرني فيها

هي الغنية تريد مارك لأبي

كلو ولاد عمومي حافظينها.. غنية عمنا الصغير

طفولة بعيدة كتير.. وقريبة كتير

Nothing much...

2007-02-12T00:00:00.000+03:00

I'm trying to find something to talk about but it seems like nothing wants to cross my mind at all..

I usually get the ideas suddenly and I either just scribble them on a paper of type them using my phone or anything.. but these days.. I feel so blank..

I recently discovered that when I'm in a flat mood, I get the best inspirations! and I can express myself best, cos I have a gazillion thoughts in my mind struggling to come out.
But when I'm in a normal mood (which doesn't happen very often) I become totally blank..

I think this is where "twisted" comes from no??

The forum childish crisis is still going on.. I couldn't help but participate there when I am not supposed to.. again!
so childish of me too not to stick to my word!

oh well..

I'm in chapter 42 in Angels and Demons... I think I'm a little behind if I want to finish it before the end of February that is..
but what can I do? so far, it didn't get me so hooked to it the way The DaVinci Code did..
However, it's gonna be my new challenge!
I shall finish it before March so I can read something else.
Cos my brother got this book called "Muhajababes" that I really want to check out asap.

I think that would do for now..
It's too early to talk about valentine's.. although it is all over the place, but I still have 2 days..

maybe the day after tomorrow..
My next mission: to find something to blog about before the Valentine's blog entry..

yes.. very twisted!!!
:D

Children!!

2007-02-07T19:16:00.000+03:00

I'm so angry with myself
I know I shouldn’t have participated in the forum today with all the stupid problems going on… but I couldn’t help it.. I only saw myself typing replies and sending

Stupid children

I wasted my afternoon over a stupid argument, to make my point clear, and in the end, the "brightest" one of all concludes that I'm a butt kisser!!

I mean what do people expect from a free forum moderated by 1 person only who lives all the way across the ocean? Where the forum's policy is freedom of speech and the policy of the members is "attack the moderator"
It's so freaking repulsive to go there nowadays seriously…

The most disgusting thing is the "gangs" policy everyone is taking..
If you are not part of the gang, then you are not to be talked to, and if you are close to those people, your topics shall not be discussed.
It's exactly like school.. feels like no one had grown up ever since.

The annoying part is, this forum has been a part of my life for the past 5 years, and I have been participating there ever since. It was never this bad or this stupid. Aside from the religious debates, everyone seemed to be living in harmony.. they used to joke around and make fun all the time
But once members start including personal relationships and start communicating with the others based on that, they start to lose their balance.

I'm putting participation in that stupid forum on hold just until things go steady again.
Who knows, I might even never go back there again.

English English English

2007-02-05T21:05:00.000+03:00

Yes it is official..

I'm slowly forgetting my English

I was chatting with a friend a while ago, and I was telling him something, and I had to integrate Arabic with English, and I wrote this sentence that made no sense whatsoever!!

So I re-wrote it all in English, and I sent it. He understood what I was trying to say.
I re-read what I have already sent, and I swear if I read that sentence somewhere I would be on my back laaaaughing!!
It had a gazillion error in it!

I don't want mean to sound like bi***, honestly I don't make fun of people in public, I judge them in silence, and I never share my judgments.
Especially when it comes to things like second/third language or religion… etc, I just don't like the fact that people smug around with something they don't know!

Anywhooo..

My English!!
Wondering were it disappeared to..
Yea well… people usually maintain their knowledge levels, they don't fall behind…
Arrgg!

I just gotta practice then… continue practicing and make less silent judgments.

me and my intuition

2007-02-04T17:06:00.000+03:00

I really should start believing in my intuition.. At least give it more credit

I really should start believing in my intuition.. At least give it more credit

The following situation happened more than once in the forum where I write:
Sometimes when I'm writing I get carried away and might end up writing something I don't wanna say. So I just rewrite it (thank God for the miracle of drafts and "undo")
When rewriting, I might halt at a word and think, maybe I shouldn't leave it.. Maybe I should write something else. This is what my intuition tells me.
However, being the hard-headed I am (i still haven't met any soft-headed person in my life yet btw), so yea instead of listening to my intuition, I just leave the word I stopped at, and post the comment as it is..
Once I start receiving comments on the post, at least one comment should be about that word I halted at!!
And most of time, I expect the nature of comment, and who would post it!

But I just don't stop!!

So why don't I start believing in my intuition?
Here is the reason:
Because whenever I give it a chance and start believing, it decides to fail me!
As if it is not up to that responsibility anymore and it freaks out once it is given that trust and doesn't know what to with it, so it just drops it and shatters it into pieces
Failing me.

Well, I can handle some stupid comments every now and then. I know which comments are to be given a smart answer and which shall be ignored.
And online u can always edit or undo or rewrite stuff
But in real life, you have to be witty enough to handle such comments.
Sometimes people say the nastiest things when they don't mean it. Especially when they r angry. And that tardy intuition always comes in while u r saying those words, when its too late.

No intuition, go to hell..
All I need is to be quick and smooth.. And that would do.

Note: I didn't proof-read my entry, so please be merciful

Follow up

2007-02-02T21:04:00.000+03:00

So, I finished my January book (Horrraaaay!!!)
It was eleven minutes by the way...

Great story I think... easy going style, a bit mushy but very real...

And it is very true how all women know what they should and shouldn't do, but eventually fall apart, and do the things they shouldn't do, while they still know that they shouldn't.

February's book is going to be Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. No I still haven't read it yet. I know I'm way behind, but I'm catching up.
And I already started reading, it seems interesting...

What else?

I hate watching the news nowadays...
Actually I always have, but these days the tension is unbelievable.
Beside domestic wars, we have the Global Warming to worry about now, lack of rain and natural resources...

I'm gonna stay optimistic. The human being is an amazing creature, he just keeps surviving regardless of the circumstances... adapting is in his nature.

So we will survive

Goals and Resolutions

2007-02-02T20:56:00.000+03:00

This post was written on January 28th, 2007, but is posted today due to laziness…

The word "resolution" is always associated with the end of the year, when we start doing our calculations, to make sure that we have fulfilled our goals our if we did something different in the past year, and to promise ourselves to change in the upcoming year, to quit smoking or drinking or gossiping or cheating or ignoring or trusting or just change.

Because change is refreshing.

So why wait until the beginning of the year to decide on our resolutions?
I don't think it's fair to make a promise to ourselves to change throughout the year then probably completely forget about it in February then remember it in December when we recall that we didn't fulfill it.

I have decided to have "incremental" resolutions, incremented to 12 months.

So, each month will have its own resolution and they will be, hopefully, maintained throughout the year.
It no longer can be called resolutions I think… maybe a set of goals.
It doesn't matter, as long as they are not forgotten throughout the year.

So, for the rest of January, I should finish the book that I'm reading and decide on what book I shall start reading in February.

February,

I shall regulate my working hours, and stick to them.
Finish the stupid Ameen project that I have been working on since forever.
Read the book that I will decide on by the end of January.
Try to write at least one blog entry in English every day. I'm scared of losing my second language due to mal practice and excess communication with Chinese people (no offense to Chinese people, but seriously, it's really hard to communicate with them!!)

I think that's enough for now…

حوار

2007-01-14T15:13:00.000+03:00

امي تشاهد التلفاز و تحل الكلمات المتقاطعة في غرفة الجلوس
أتيتها من الغرفة المجاورة.. وجلست بجوارها

ـ ماما دايق خلقي
ـ عطيه لأختك الصغيرة
ـ مامي عم احكي جد
ـ طيب حطيلو سجاف وعرضيه

تحبطني الردود اللامباليه، فأمسك بالريموت كونترول لأغير المحطة، علّي اجد شيئا يستحق المشاهدة

ـ تركيه من ايدك عم اتفرج
ـ ماما عم تحللي كلمات متقاطعة
ـ عم قللك تركيه من ايدك
ـ حاضر

*برهة صمت*

ـ مامي.. دقتلي رفيقتي.. قال طالعين الشلة مشوار وعزموني اطلع معون
ـ مين؟
ـ يعني.. رفقاتي بتعرفيهون.. ليال ونادين و عالية
ـ لوين؟
ـ عالشوكليت بار بالمارينا
ـ مابقا في بيوت تشوفو بعض فيها؟
ـ يعني تغيير جو
ـ افتحي الدرج وخدي لوح شوكولا وعزميهون للبنات عالبيت وبلا هالفزلكة
ـ بس انا جعبالي اطلع
ـ سمعتيني وللا لأ؟
ـ طيب هي أخي بيطلع مع رفقاتو يعني اشمعنى؟
ـ اخوكي شب انتي بنت
*اقدم حجة واهية بالتاريخ*
ـ طيب هي رفقاتي وقرايبينا البنات بيطعلو مع رفقاتون.. شوفيها يعني؟؟
ـ نحنا ما دخلنا بالعالم.. علينا من حالنا
ـ يعني البنات عيب عليها اذا طلعت مشوار؟؟ كل البنات يللي بتطلع صايعات يعني؟؟ انو والله ما بيصير يكون في شي اسمو عيب عالبنت وما يكون عيب عالشب.. ليش هالتفرقة؟؟
ـ لا تجادليني! شي حلو والله! بدك تعمليني الصح من الغلط كمان؟؟ يللي بعمرك فتحو بيوت وصار عندون ولاد وعم يتعاملو مع بيت احمى.. وانتي مع اهلك ما عم تعرفي تتعاملي؟؟ هيك ربيناكي نحنا؟؟؟
ـ ما دخلني بالعالم
ـ نحنا مندور عالشي المنيح بالعالم مو عالشي العاطل ومنتفرج عليه... مندور على القدوة الحسنة
ـ بس انا ما عم اعمل شي غلط
ـ لعيتيلي قلبيي !!! وحياة المنصوبة اذا ما بتسكري هالسيرة لاخبطك بيللي بايدي
ـ طيب طيب امرك

*برهة صمت اخرى*
ـ طيب مامي والله دايق خلقي وجعبالي اطلع من البيت
ـ ماشي ولا يهمك.. بدي شوية غراض من السوبر ماركت هلأ انا وياكي مننزل منجيبون اسمو ابوكي تركلك السيارة

*تمت*

دمعة

2007-01-13T19:37:00.000+03:00

البكاء شيء اساسي بالحياة بالرغم من انو في كتير ناس ما بتقدرو وبتعتبرو نوع من الضعف. الضعفي يللي بيواجه الانسان لما بيحس حالو عاجز او فارغ.

الواحد منا ممكن يكابر على دمعة اكتر ما يكابر على وجع او الم
بتلاقينا شاطرين بالسق والنق كتير، بس لما الموضوع بيتعلق بالبكاء.. كلنا منكون شجعان، والواحد بيفضل يقولو عنو انو دمعتو عزيزة او شخصيتو قوية او قلبو قاسي بس ما يقولو عنو حساس او رقيق او دمعتو سخية

الدمعة دليل جبن بمجتمعنا

ليش لحتى ما نبكي؟
مع انو البكا بيطري القلب وبيغسل الروح

منبكي من موقف انساني او من حزن اصابنا او من شوية تذلل وخشوع للذات الالهية يللي منعبدها او من شوقنا لأهلنا القريبيين او من صدمتنا لخيانة صديق عزيز او من شعورنا بالقهر بالوحدة بالتعاسة

نبكي من الضعف

اذا بكينا كذا مرة بعمرنا
حالة اكتئاب عامة
ليش بتكون اخر مرة اكتر مرة مزعجة؟؟
اكيد مو بسبب موقفها، لأن لما منبلش بالبكاء بتصير كل كل المواقف البشعة عم تنسرد براسنا كأنك بقاعة سينما ومقيد بالكرسي ومافينك تغادر لحتى تشوف فيلم الرعب الشخصي.. فيلم من حياتك، من تجاربك، من اخطائك، ومن ابتلاءات الزمن عليك. فيلم بيشجعنا على الانجراف. دمعة ورا دمعة لحتى نتنهنه

بس شو بيخللي هالمرة الاخيرة مرة مزعجة؟؟
لأن حدا بمرقة طريقو بيشوفك بالصدفة بخلوتك مع نفسك، بلحظتك الخاصة القدسية
بيشوف دمعتك
بيكشف سرك
انت رقيق
وما راح يتركك لحتى تحكي، واذا انت بديت بالحكي ما راح توقف، بس بنفس الوقت ما بدك تحكي
بيكفي اول سر انفضح.. الله يستر على باقي الاسرار
ليش هو مصرّ يعرف؟؟ هو وفي وبدو يساعد او هو خبيث وبدو يشمت فيك

انت بكل الاحوال ما راح تحكي

وراح تقطع على حالك وعد بأنك تركب جلدة جديدة اصلية لحنفية دموعك ما تنهرى مع هالزمن اللئيم، وتحط قلبك بصندوق وتسكر عليه

وما ضروري حدا يشوف هالدمعة

A sneak peak into the future, everyone's future

2007-01-06T15:34:00.000+03:00

Last night before I went to bed, I set my alarm to wake up for the Fajer prayer.

So the alarm went off at 5 something.. and I could hear the call for prayer coming from the mosque next to my house.

I decided to wake up.. but I dozed off for a while.

I had a vision
It was my funeral.

I was placed in a casket.. wooden, and a black sheet thing was wrapped around it…My funeral was very normal… like any funeral…
I couldn’t see who was carrying my casket, but I saw my father, my 3 uncles from mom's side, and their boys. I couldn’t see any of my brothers or any family from my dad's side.

The funeral procession was walking in my neighborhood, where my grandmother's house is. It's like I was watching them from above, and I saw my little cousin looking up (as if he is looking at the balconies), smiling and waving…

We reached to the cemetery, our same old one.
My dad carried me out of the casket to hand me to my uncle, who was inside the grave I was to be placed in…
Before he handed me to him, he removed the white sheet off my face, kissed my forehead, then he hugged me so tight. He was crying…
He then handed me to my uncle, saying please be careful, she is my precious.
My uncle placed me on the floor on my right side. He then recited something from the Quran.

Then it was dark
Very dark

I woke up that second.
I felt like it was real.. all of it!
I had tears in my eyes...

It was 7 when I woke up! Sun was all up and Fajer was gone!! Daaamn!! Stupid dream!!

But it's something to think about…
No surprises in the future… when it really comes

Sweet Dreams

2007-01-05T02:02:00.000+03:00

They say in Arabic... "You can know what's written by looking at the title"
I say, you can see how your day/week/year goes just by looking at the way it starts

Today is the 4th of January.
4 days have passed, it's long enough to know that it's not starting off well
It all started in New Year's Eve
Was all well until I went to sleep.. and had a bad dream.

The magic about dreams is how they affect you after you wake up... they either leave you with a real great or a totally ugly feeling, depending on the situation
It was one of those bad dreams that stay with me until I sleep at night...
I just couldn't stop thinking about it.. it was sooo upsetting!!
I couldn't even talk about it to anyone.. not because I couldn't say what I saw, but because I was trying to forget itthe night came... and boy was I happy!

So what's next?

A continuation of that bad dream the very next night!!
And it also happened the night after...
I don't know.. I'm just too scared to have another one tonight..
I don't think I want to go to sleep

But this is not how we deal with our fear...
Running away is exhausting So I shall confront it..
Not cos I'm strong

But because I'm too sleepy.. and I long for a deep sleep..

My Daddy's Cannelloni

2007-01-05T01:55:00.000+03:00

So today was my daddy's birthday
Last week we went to this real nice French restaurant and my dad ordered spinach cannelloni.. and fell in love with it
he wondered why we don't do it at home..

So today.. daddy's girl (me) decides to prepare a supriiiise for dinner!!
My sister made him his favorite desert, crème brule
and I was to do the cannelloni...

Got the recipe from the cook book
Got my stuff ready.. and began!

Half way through, my mom came in.. she was like.. are you making the cannelloni?
I was like, yes!
She freaked out for a moment (knowing my history in the kitchen, she had the right to do so)
Then she said "why don't you prepare it now and cook it tomorrow for lunch?"
I was like "I already started, and I want to do it today"
so she said "ok as u wish!" but I know deep inside that she wanted me to say ok mom will do it tomorrow...I got a bad feeling
Cos when my mom doesn't want something to happen.. it doesn't!!
Then I was like.. what the hell.. will try anyway..

My first time making cannelloni..
So half way through, I realize that we don't have eggs! so I run to my brother and beggg him to get some eggs!
After pleading and promising to be a slave for a day or two, I got my eggs.
So what's next??
aaah the filling is looking good!
I started filling the cannelloni tubes.. then I realize, I don't have enough filling!!
Now what???

Calm down tamtam... its ok.. just make 12 pieces, each person shall get 2.. it's only ur first time, they wont eat u!
Who am I kidding.

ok... all done! place them in the oven!
it says 30 to 35 min or until cooked

20 min later, i open up the oven to see how they r looking...
well.. not too good..
see.. the side edges of the tubes had nothing liquidy on them (no tomato paste or cheese) to they basically dried out.
the cheese that fell on the bottom of the baking tray burnt and started to smell
but the rest of it wasn't really cooked yet..

I sprayed some butter on it, hoping that it would get better
my dad came home at the best time for dinner..

but my family members always have other plans..
dad went out to see a friend who just came back from Hajj
my brother went to the gym
and my mom was studying for her exams

dinner was delayed for about 2 hours
I just left my cannelloni's in the oven while it was off

so finally.. when everyone was home and we finally got to sit down and eat together like normal families do, I went to serve the cannelloni's...
to my shock, they were stuck to the bottom of the tray...
I don't think I want to explain more... it just wasn't good!!
so I decided to throw it away…
why did mom have to come in??

Sat to the table, next to my daddy, with all my pride, and my big hidden self-disappointment. hoping that no one will notice.. especially the biggest tormentors on earth, my brothers
no.1 "where is the great invention you were working on when we came home??"me "umm.. I decided to give it up.. not too good for a nice occasion as this"
no.2 "ofcourse it wasn't good enough, u cant even make scrambled eggs!"no1&2 simultaneously "bahahahahahaha"

Then daddy interfered "shut up both of u, she's your older sister, show some respect! if it didn't turn out good today, she will try again tomorrow or the day after. but you two have no right of judging her!"

I drew huge smirk on my face.. gave my brothers the nastiest looks, and retained my glory
No one can make them both shut up the way daddy does

Will I try again?
Only if he reminds me.. I'm gonna forget it for now

Oh yea.. the crème brulle was very very good.. so now I have a grudge on my mom and my sister..

But at least he enjoyed it, and it made me happy

اطلاق العدد الأول من جريدة عرب جرب First Issue of the Arab Jarab Publication

2007-01-01T23:15:00.000+03:00

تم اطلاق العدد الأول من جريدة عرب جرب... جريدة كل العرب، باللغة العربية

فضلا، انقر على الرابط ادناه للإطلاع على العدد الأول

www.arab-jarab.com

أهنئ أصدقائي العاملين على الجريدة الفريدة من نوعها.. آمل ان تحقق ما يصبون اليه وما يصبو اليه كل عربي

زعبوط، لوست، بلاولاشي، ستال، وسنجوب (حتى لو ما كنا اصحاب كتير).. مبروك يا شباب.. ويعطيكون العافية

It's over

2007-01-01T23:12:00.000+03:00

The last entry written in 2006.. and is published in 2007..
Was it crazy or what?

Just when I thought it was over, yesterday‘s news proved me wrong...
One of the biggest dictators in history was hanged to death yesterday.
Many people considered him to be a martyr...
I'm having some mixed feelings regarding that matter. The Iraqi-Kuwaiti war in 1990 got me emotional. I have witnessed the beginning, suffered the tension, and studied the results.
His hanging made me happy.. Even though it‘s the first day of eid and the date became a controversial issue.

I watched the footage of the hanging today..
Depressing.. Very
Felt sorry for him.. A mixture of sorrow and pity.

A new era has begun

So what else?
Yes.. This year was better than many other years, but compared to 2005, it wasn‘t all that good.
It wasn't a complete mess (I'm trying to stay positive here) but my social life isn't the way I really want it..
it‘s really hard to step back, and it‘s harder to know you are stepping back, and even harder to know that you can't do anything about it and have no hand in it.
I take partial responsibility of my situation. I didn't stand up for my wants and needs. it‘s probably the fear of rejection, or maybe I'm just a cowered, or maybe it‘s a hopeless situation.

But all I know is that I need to take a step to get out.
And that is my new year‘s resolution.

Me and Mac

2006-12-24T22:51:00.000+03:00

Foster's Home for Imaginary friends.

it's a cartoon about a small kid called Mac who lives in a world where imaginary friends actually exist.. you can create them, communicate with them, and even adopt them if you are too lazy to create them.

Mac created bloo. But Mac's brother hated him cos he was so hard to handle (or something like that), so the family decided to put him in Foster's Home.

Owned by Madam Foster, Foster's Home is basically where all the imaginary friends are put for adoption.

Madam Foster (who couldn't give up her own imaginary friend) decides that Bloo wouldn't be put up for adoption, as long as Mac comes and visits him everyday at 3.

What's so interesting about such a cartoon?

The idea that I came to realize is friends remain.

They might tease you, annoy you, mess up your homework, or waste your time.

But they always seem to know how to fix things... they always help you.

Well... not all friends.... only imaginary friends.

Friends in reality are not ready to be anything but themselves. You have to accept them the way they are. And if they stab you in the back, it's because of their nature, and you were to blind and stupid to see it.

I know it because I've been blind and stupid many times... actually.. most of the time.

*experience is a bundle of mistake you made in your life*

It's a shame that I'm too old to be thinking about adopting an imaginary friend... it would be nice... and helpful..

the main character of my imaginary friend is his/her silence, and his/her ignorance.

I would like to talk without being judged. I would like to continue talking without getting interrupted. I would like to scream at the top of my lungs without the risk of deafening anyone. I would like throw my thoughts without having to be coherent. and finally, I would like to know that someone was actually listening.

I don't care about that last hug people get when they start crying, it doesn't make things any easier... talking and crying ugly things out is just about enough.

Usually the main reason for collision between friends is when someone snaps at the other unintentionally, and the latter is just too proud to understand why that someone snapped.

they never reconcile for some reason.

friends are overrated, imaginary friends are not

broken chain

2006-12-24T22:13:00.000+03:00

seclusion

ideas flowing in

brain rush

grab a pen and paper

great thoughts...

start writing

never thought better

start typing

brain rush gets faster

strong heartbeats

words floating

links broken

thoughts are gone

couch potato again...

ideas flow back in

ignore... they will deceive you as they always do...

your post is gone

Big bottles and smaller ones

2006-12-20T16:17:00.000+03:00

I was at the grocery store today, and i passed by the shampoos and shower gel section... so many things to choose from!!

I spotted an apricot scrub shower gel

I almost grabbed it.. then I was like... wait a second.. I already have 2 at home that i haven't used yet..
then came the challenging question...
should i or shouldn't??
i mean.. its an apricot body scrub! and its smell is so soothing!
very challenging....

so.. did i get it?
no but i scorned on all of those manufacturers who make those products in huge bottles that would take ages to run out, even if u use plenty of it in your everyday shower
(just a hint in case someone thought I'm cheap or stinky)

*sigh*

I really like the size they use in hotels..
i mean.. when it's finished.. it's finished! u get a new one.. a better one!

anyway..
The Lilac gel that I'm using now isn't so bad after all

:/

To do lists and procrastination

2006-12-15T21:40:00.000+03:00

it's December again
The year is coming to an end..

This is the time of the year when you start to review your last year's resolutions and think about how you never managed to accomplish your aspirations... or at least half of them

so I had in mind to read a number of books this year... I read about half of them.. but not all..
It all comes down to 2 reasons:
Bad choices, and mood issues
I am satisfied with the books I have read, but I had to wonder why I (or anyone for that matter) don't accomplish many of the planned goals to the end.

Procrastination is a very big problem in this part of the world... I barely know anyone who doesn't procrastinate...
I believe it became part of our Arabic human nature

Why do we procrastinate?
Ok I shall speak for myself.
Because I like things to go smooth and perfect, I make up plans... and to do lists...
even when i redecorated my room, I made a to-do list for every step, that my sister almost lost it!
Why the to-do's? well sometimes when you have a gazillion thing to do, you have to write them down to keep track of what u r doing because you tend to lose your concentration.
after writing the to-do list, I find myself unable to do half of the things I planned to do
why?
reasons vary depending on the situation
It could be parents that would ruin your plans just cos they feel like it, or because they are afraid to lose you, it could be a stupid tumble dryer that doesn't want to work anymore, it could be an unfaithful friend who decides to stab you in the back when least expected and when you least need it, it could be an irresponsible younger brother that you have to take care of, or it could be that you are just out of it.

whatever it is, usually the main reason is: being overwhelmed.
when everything is perfectly planned, malfunction occurs during execution.
looking at your list and counting your steps and wondering... ooooh I still have to do this and this and that and what if I don't get it done... blaaa... that's when we start to push back our work and fail.

For me, when I do fight the laziness, and when I decide to become stronger than the overwhelming feeling, I succeed.
It gives a great feeling of accomplishment to stick to plans and finish them on time...

I have a small resolution for remaining of this year, and it is to finish the work project I started this summer, because it is about time. And I shall finish it before 2007 starts.

For the next year... I'm gonna let it go with the flow
I just hope that I will manage to get out of the mess I'm living in right now... that's all

فخورة لأنو

2006-12-08T20:32:00.000+03:00

الفكرة ملطوشة من الغرفة الاجتماعية... تحية لصديقي صاحب الموضوع
(اهلين فيك... بعرفك شو راح تقول فعم رد عليك دغري)
*sleep*

شغلات بتخليني اشعر بالفخر... بشكل عام الها علاقة بوطني

فخورة لأني من بلد اسمها سوريا ومن اقدم مدينة بالتاريخ... دمشق

فخورة لأن بسوريا بتنتقل الاخبار بسرعة البرق واكتر ناس بيستعملو بهارات بالحكي هنن السوريين
هادا غير فاعلين الخير طبعا

فخورة انو سوريا بتحن عالمساكين مع انو بدها مين يحن عليها

فخورة انو سوق الحميدية مقصد سياحي مهم في دمشق

فخورة لانو صار عنا محلات مانجو و بيير كردان و جيورجيو ارماني بالشام و 90 بالمية من السكان بيقدرو بكل بساطة انو يفوتو عليهون و يشمو....و يطلعو (ملطوشة) ـ

فخورة لأن الكبير والصغير والمأمط بالسرير بيعرفو شو الدوا الشافي لكل الظواهر والانسدادات المستعصية ببلدنا... الا وهو العملة

فخورة لأن المواطن بيعرف يتفاهم مع الموظف والموظف بيعرف يتفهم مع المدير والشوفير مع الشرطي والطالب مع الانسة والطالبة مع
دكتور الجامعة
فخورة لأن شعبنا بيحب الفرفشة والنعنشة مع انو معتر كتير وقلبو مليان هموم

فخورة لأن عنا ذهب ابيض وسنابل ذهبية و فيجة

فخورة إنو المسلسلات السورية أحلى مسلسلات بالوطن العربي في الوقت الحالي (ملطوشة) ـ

فخورة لأن جمال سليمان سوري

فخورة انو ماحدا بيساوي ستي زبئي وكباب هندي وحراء اصبعو وفلافل بنشارة خشب غيرنا

فخورة لأن وأخيرا غيرو بألوان العملة المعدنية مشات يللي نظرو على قدو يعرف العشرة من الخمسة باللون

فخورة انو حيصير عنا بورصة سوق اسهم مالية

فخورة لأن شعبنا اكتر شعب مفتأ بالعالم

فخورة لانو كل شعبنا فهمان بالدين و السياسة و الاقتصاد و العمارة و الهندسة و الطب و الشعر و الفضاء و الموسيقى و النحت...على ذمتو طبعا (ملطوشة) ـ

فخورة لأن السوريين مسبعين الكارات

فخورة لأن كل الناس بتحسب الف حساب قبل ما تفكر تنصب على واحد سوري

فخورة انو طبيعة بلادنا حلوة و لساتها عذراء من قلة الاهتمام و الفشل بالقطاع السياحي (ملطوشة) ـ

فخورة لأن لسا ماوصل الزحف العمراني الى صحراء تدمر

فخورة انو شعبنا ما بيكره شعب تاني بالولادة (ملطوشة) ـ

فخورة انو السوريين اكتر ناس بيآمنو بالفزلكات متل الاحكام المسبقة ونظريات المؤامرة

فخورة انو الطيران العربي السوري عندو طيارين على مستوى عالي واسوأ اسطول طيارات

فخورة لأن كل السوريين سواسية و صورهون بهوياتهون كأنهون مطلوبين حيا او ميتا

فخورة لأن هويتي القديمة مو مبخوشة (ملطوشة) مع اني ما بعرف شو يعني انو مبخوشة بس هويتي ما كانت مبخوشة و معناتا هي شغلة منيحة(مااااع) ـ

فخورة لأن ماعندي بطاقة انتخابية

فخورةلانو البنت السورية اكتر بنت بتعتني بحالها من بين كل الجنسيات يلي عرفتهون (ملطوشة لأن كتير عجبتني) ـ
*smug*

فخورة انو سوريا فيها اطيب كنتاكي بالعالم....اسمو فروج بروستد (ملطوشة) ـ

فخورة انو بسوريا في جامعين امويين مو بس واحد

انا فخورة لأن السوريين بايعين الدنيا بقشرة بصلة ومافي حدا بيعلق على صرمايتون

فخورة لأن السوريين بيلاقو الشي الحلو من كل شي... يعني حتى لما الواحد بيسمن بيقولو صار عندو كرش للوجاهة

فخورة لأن صار اسم سوريا متطرق عالتلفزيون متل اسم غانا يعني كتير من المتفرجين بيعرفو بوجود هيك دولة (ملطوشة) ـ

فخورة انو عنا احلى امفيثيتر اثري بالعالم

فخورة انو عند السوريين طلوع النهار يمحو كلام الليل

فخورة انو ساحة الامويين صارلها 3 سنين مدري اكتر ماعاد اتذكر عم تتساوى بالنفق تبعها ولهلأ ما كانت تخلص مدري خلصت وما درينا

فخورة لانو السوريين بعلكو كتير....قسم بيعرف شو عم يعلك...و قسم بيعلك المهم انو علك (ملطوشة) ـ

فخورة ان البنت السورية لما بتطلع من البيت بتحسب حساب فاعلين الخير اكتر ما تحسب حساب اذا ممكن حدا يأذيها

فخورة انو بضل سهرانة بالزايد نص ساعة على موضوع بس مشان قول قديش انا فخورة

ومتل ما قال الشعب
ريتو فخور يكسر بعضو

Superman

2006-12-06T14:41:00.000+03:00

This mask of strength that I'm wearing is getting so heavy, I can't bear to hold it anymore…

To people who have so much potential and can accomplish the greatest things, but are restricted to limited choices and uncontrolled circumstances

I dedicate this song…

There is a superman in each one of us

Superman - Five for Fighting

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird...I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away...away from me
It’s all right...you can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy...or anything...

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
I’m only a man
Looking for a dream

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
And it’s not easy, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm...

It's not easy to be me

it's a balance

2006-12-01T23:38:00.000+03:00

I finally got myself to believe there is some good in my attitude of not having a "passion" for a specific thing in life.

Ok, first, what is a passion in my terms?
A passion is something you dearly love. Something that you were born to do, you have been doing all your life, and will continue to do, even on your death bed.
It could be a hobby, like music, reading, writing, photography, drawing, computing, puzzling… what have you. Or, it could be something that makes you feel good about yourself…such as helping people.

Ever since I started to realize that I like to do so many things at the same time, but not to reach a point of perfectionism in anything in specific, I started to possess over the fact that I don’t have something to live for.

The other day, I watched a video on youtube about a man expressing his reason for waking up every morning. His reason is his 3 year-old boy. He was encouraging people to find that something that they love most, so they would take good care of it and because it will help them appreciate life even more. Most of the people who replied to this video also stated that their kids are the reason why they live.
It made me notice something.
What was their reason of living and breathing before they had children? I mean… Those people were not born parents… they must have had something to cherish before they popped some juniors to this world.
Then again, maybe they found a reason to live after they had this responsibility.

The truth to be said, watching this video gave me a sort of a relief…
Someday, I will be a mother for a child, and he/she will be my reason to wake up in the morning. My passion.
But as a person who always expects the worst (since this is what life had taught me), I had to measure the other side of the story…
The other side meaning, what if I never had kids, for one reason or another?
Should I stay passionless till the end of time?
I halted again.

Yesterday, I was chatting with a friend.
He told me something that gave me the answer that I was looking for, and he didn’t know it.
He said that one of the good things about me is that I am balanced inside, there is no side of my personality that prevails on the other… I am just symmetrical!
*ok I sound like a smug here, but this was what he told me*

I thought about what he said… and it just occurred to me that this is it!! This is the reason why I don’t have a passion.

I am a perfectionist (I've always known it and confessed it). Perfectionists seek balance in everything.
If I had a passion for anything, I will be obsessed about it. This obsession will block my chances of engaging in any sane arguments regarding it, since I'm going to be very biased.

It could be a justification for a state of denial that I'm living…
But what for? Is there anything better than being a balanced person and have peace with your self? I don’t think so.

Insomnia

2006-11-26T21:30:00.000+03:00

Insomnia is one of the worst condition any human being can go through...
You are basically all consumed throughout the day.. all tired and worn out. you take a warm shower, swallow an Advil or two, you even drank that milk that you hate so much, then you jump into your warm cozy bed... the surrender to sleep
However... sleep doesn't want you!
You are waiting for it
But it's just not happening!

You try to open your eyes, and they open up like its broad daylight!
You try to get up to do something since you are already awake... but, you have 0 concentration
So what do you do? you just stay in bed... and wait... as simple as that..
It could be an hour, it could be two, it could be all night long...

What's even worse than not being able to sleep is sleeping and not knowing it...
It's like having this little tiny processor in the back of your brain that keeps on running even when you are asleep, and its functionality is preventing you from recognizing that you are already asleep!
When does it hit you?
When the alarm goes off at 7 so you have to go to work. You then realize that you need these extra five minute of sleep.. just those five minutes and they will do... and before you know it, you are deep asleep! why? cos you have to get up!!
Luckily, you will have your mother or sister around to check on you and make sure that you're up.
What's even funnier than that, is during this stolen snooze, you think that you are wide awake, you've already brushed your teeth, had your coffee, and even got into your car! that's when your mom's voice comes in to tell you that you are still in bed, and you were only dreaming!

I had another insomniac night last night... they are all accompanied with a bad/annoying dream..
When I got up at 7 I had second thoughts about going to work... Then I brushed them away.. cos the snooze wont do... and once I'm up, I will be wide awake.
And I was!

In a cranky mood...
It got better though..
I grabbed a suit of mine that I haven't wore in 2 years cos the pants were abit too tight...
Today when I tried them on... they fitted perfectly!! even a bit loose!!
Gave me a great feeling of achievement! *Girly moment here*
*sigh!*

Heard the news this morning
Israel pulled off its troops from Ghaza Strip..
It's a victory...
Just hoping they didn't leave anything behind...
The shredded grieving families are enough

It's going to be a good week!

Why the final act?

2006-11-24T23:08:00.000+03:00

if you read my previous entry titled "Final Act" you will notice that it's another end for a love story between two people that have been hiding their feelings due to many reasons, including the fact that they don't want to mess up their friendship

A friend asked me.. what's the point of your post?
well..
I'm the kind of person who jumps to the end.. cos the end is the most important part.. and if i don't know the end, i wont be able to read the novel
Am i missing the whole point of reading? maybe... but this is how i can interact with the story more... i get to feel its reality...

one more thing..
why the last act?
why not the begging? or the middle?

we all like happy endings...
especially when it comes to cheesy love stories or chick flicks
but when it comes to reality.. happy endings are very rare

I've known quiet a number of couples in my conservative society..
but how many of them ended the way the couples themselves wanted.. or the way we wanted them to become.. or the way common sense should go?
common sense?
we all seek happiness
what we see in the movies of ppl stepping on their pride to reach out for their loved ones.. that's just not right... it's very fake
cos even when you are in love, ur not gonna reach back to the person who had hurt u cos u love him...
when hurt by a loved one, its just too painful... the thin line between love and hate becomes thinner and soon the pain becomes agony.. and develops to hate... all due to pride
this is not what they show us in the movies

the last act exists in utopia
its good to feel it
but this is not how real life is
even when we try

Final Act

2006-11-24T21:15:00.000+03:00

(sound of knocking on the door)
He walked down the corridor to open the door.. he looked through the peephole to find that it's her, his best friend.

He gets a flashback of their last meeting, how he begged her to leave the man she was seeing because he knew the guys wasn't good enough for her, but couldn't explain why. He remembered how cruel she was to him and how she called him "selfish".
"He wants all the happiness for himself" that’s what she thought that day.

"Should I open the door?" he thought to himself.. He was aware that she is blinded by the affection she has for that new person her life. He knew that only he could see what was really going on, and he forgave her for what she said.It was late that night, she would never take the subway at this hour to go to anyone's house.. no matter what. This must be important.

In a glance, he opened the door.
"Hi!" she said in a low voice, as she stood there.. thinking.. "Am I doing the right thing?""Hey!" he gazed at her as she was stumbling in her thoughts.
"Can I come in?" she asked"Sure.." as he made way for her to pass in.

She sat on the sofa placed in the middle of the room. A coffee table was right in front of her.
"Coffee?" he asked
"Sure, please"
He placed the mug on the coffee table in front of her.
It was just the way she liked it. Black. No sugar, no cream.
"Thank you"

She stared at the mug.. as he stared at her, wondering what brought her at this hour… after all what happened the last time they met.
It was hard for him to hear the things she said. But what drove him to ask her to take such a radical step… to leave the man she was falling for, for no apparent reason. What if he was imagining things? What if he really was a good guy? Why does it hurt him so much now to see her with someone else? He had seen her with other men before, it didn’t affect him all that much…
He still can't justify his act

"I do love her and I do want her to be happy… I do love her… I do???
My childhood friend??" Always like a sister! Not really…
She knew his lifestyle. She knew he wasn’t the commitment type.She always loved him. But like a strong woman, she decided to move on.
That's why she chose the first man who passed by her life. Decided to completely fall for him. To remain faithful, and to forget.

Her long frizzy black hair was flowing on her back. A bit of it was covering her hazy eyes.She was dressed for an important event. A velvet brown skirt, a beige top, suede long boots, and a brown coat of the same length as the skirt.

"Look…" she said stuttering "I wanna apologize for all the nasty stuff I said to you the other day. I should have trusted you. I know you want the best for me… I was just lost and stunned that day, I just couldn't believe that you managed to say what you said"

He didn't say a word
"I know I had too emotional to think straight and that you were seeing things from a different angle. I only realized that now… You were right… he was a jerk and he was using me… exactly like you said…
I hope it's not too late… I know I don't wanna lose you also"
He still didn’t say a word.
She looked at him hoping that he would say something.
But he didn’t
Even more broken hearted, she grabbed her bag that she threw on the sofa earlier, stood up and said "Well I said what I wanted to say. My conscious is clean. I'd better leave now…" and stormed towards the exit.

"Are you hungry?" He said a bit loudly, hoping that it would stop her from storming off.
She stopped, and walked back in "What?"
"I'm gonna order a pizza, I'm a bit hungry. Do you wanna share?"She hesitated first… but she knew him way too well to say no"Sure… why not?"

He picked up the phone. "Hi, I would like to have one large pepperoni and cheese pizza…"

It only takes a moment for us to realize what's going on.

Pepperoni and cheese?
Black coffee?
An advice when no one else dared to confront her?

"It's gonna take 45 minutes"
She walked towards him in firm steps, with her eyes focused on his "Pepperoni and cheese? That's not your order"
"I feel like pepperoni and cheese tonight"
She approached more… so close.. and said in a very calm, firm voice "look me in the eye and tell me that you feel like pepperoni and cheese pizza… nothing more nothing less"
He stuttered… then he looked her in the eyes and said "I love you"
She backed off immediately… isn't that what she wanted to hear all along? Why does it feel so strange??As he was noticing her hesitation, and starting to feel so dumb for admitting his feelings, she threw her arms around him and passionately kissed him.

"What if it doesn’t work out?" he asked
"Oh don't worry! We already sound like an old married couple anyway"

"What about our friendship?""Too late to think about that now…"

They made their way to the bedroom *sex scene*(will refrain from writing due to excess cheesiness and lack of experience in the matter)

She lied back on his bed… she looked at him… she was happy
He sat up to light a cigarette
As she closed her eyes to see the future
He figured out the difference between making love and having a fling

technologic

2006-11-22T19:15:00.000+03:00

It's funny how excited I was about opening this blog.. And it's very funny how completely discouraged I got just because of "technical problems" in the website!

I'm not sure what's wrong with it... it asked me to enable cookies.. And I did, my privacy level is 0 right now! Anyone could be inserting cookies into my system.. I know that I can delete them.. But it's a bit inconvenient.
And the other part is having to right click and choosing to "open link in a new window" so it displays, cos just clicking on it doesn't do the trick anymore as it seems.

I guess I'm just gonna check the FAQ's page and see what I can do about it...

Technology is bliss
That's what I always say
Sometime it just gets on your nerves though...
Especially when you feed it the right things and it just gives you junk.. And when you expect it will give you the best result, and instead it gives you a big olo !!!

I was struggling the other day to write a blog entry... While I'm streaming my thoughts, I was called to have lunch. I left my computer on.. left the blog entry as it is.. didn't save a draft.. cos what are the odds? I never needed to save an online post before, and that day was just like any other day.
I finished my lunch, returned to my desk only to find that my computer had restarted on its own!How in the world would that happen?? Oh by the way, my computer is virus free, I believe..
Well.. it's as simple as this... Automatic Updates was running. It downloaded and installed the updates and needed to restart the computer! Doesn't it give a warning first? It sure does! It gives a warning with a time limit.. If you don't press "restart" within a minute, it shall restart on its own. Lucky me wasn't there to see that message, and a computer has gotta do what a computer has gotta do!!
Funny?When you know the reasons and the means to deal with anything.. it's just fine, as long as it’s manageable.
However, the time you spend wanting to know "what happened here??!!" is just a nerve killer!

I still say it though.. Technology is bliss!

introduction

2006-11-11T17:33:00.000+03:00

Yea I rushed in to post my first blog, forgetting to introduce myself

so yea... twisted with spice is how I am

I am a 23 year old Syrian who was born and raised in Kuwait.

I have a problem in belonging cos I feel home in neither places.. But I am struggling to make them both home... It's enough that I love them both!

oh yea... I'm a girl

Enjoy!!

I am a dreamer

2006-11-11T16:18:00.000+03:00

A friend of mine once told me: "I feel like you are such a dreamer"
It was last year before my graduation.
I always knew that I was a dreamer... But never gave it much thought.
Moreover, I never thought it would be so severe someone would notice it.
I always thought that I managed it well

I then had to pause and think... what if I never dreamt?
What if dreaming never existed...
What if all people were just real and concrete...
What if we all were so straight forward, and so pragmatic, that even a thought of something abit far from real would be insane.. a taboo

I stopped dreaming for a while...
Gave my surreal life a break
Tried to define reality in my own terms
Didn't harm me so much to be real
But harmed me a great deal not to dream
Turned out it was the greatest gift I ever had
Who would reject an exit from fears? from life? from death? from hate? from love?

I died the day I stopped dreaming

Dreaming is for the weak... if you don't know where to stop
Dreaming is for those who have nothing to hold on to but their dreams
Dreaming is no taboo... it lifts you up and gives you the pleasure of the moment.. sets you up to a better mood.. to start fresh

I held on to my dreams...
Dreaming is a therapy

My greatest discovery of all is that it's ok to dream, as long as you have the right fix of reality along with it...
They complement each other
You can't survive without them both...

So my advice to you..
Stay real dreamer